If Men Thought Like Target....

 If men thought like Target, no one would ever get divorced. Target satisfies every woman on the planet, therefore there is no way a woman can say no to Target, leaving Target a rich and powerful man.  Target satisfies needs you didn't know were there and for that, women are eternally grateful and they never stray.  A woman may leave Target broke, but she has a cart full of  things that make her happy, so we keep coming back for more.


If men thought like Target, they would realize that.....

1. We have too much to do and not enough time to do it in.  Anything you can do to make a our lives easier, especially when children come along, we appreciate.  Target made it possible to buy underwear, electronics, home goods and a month's worth of groceries all in one stop. 
2.  We like cleanliness. Walmart is gross.  Going to Walmart is almost always a mistake. If Walmart were a man, he would be a dirty frat boy.  If Target were a man, he would be George Clooney.  We like a clean, organized nest and a clean man and we always regret when we stray from that. My thought in Walmart? "I should've gone to Target."
3. We love Starbucks.  Yes, we will pay a million dollars for a coffee no matter how stupid you think it is.   We'll do anything for coffee.  You bring us coffee, especially in bed, we love you looong time.
4. We like thoughtfulness. We find all kinds of useful items in Target.  Much to our chagrin, they wind up completely useless.  We don't care.  It's the thought that counts.
5. We like to turn useless items into something great. Piggybacking on Number 4, we always think we can use it and we will try our damnedest to turn it into something.  It's in our nature to see promise in little things.  When you think we're mothering or being pushy with you, we probably just see more potential in you than you see in yourself.
6. We like to feel secure.  I have so many mini-products in my purse.  If I were ever in a plane crash, I would make sure to befriend the woman with the ginormous hobo bag.  She's got it goin' on in there....promise. Actually, I would BE the woman with the hobo bag, so sit next to me.
7. Again, We like to feel secure. We always know Target has our back.  Target will always have something that will suffice. I know that if I only want to make one stop with the kids (because shopping SUCKS most of the time with children), Target is my safest bet.  Otherwise, I have to get them in and out of the car, walk them through several parking lots safely, and then make them behave in like 5 or 6 stores, the WHOLE TIME, battling boredom, fighting, blood sugar drops and temper tantrums.  We really like knowing where our safest bet is and whoever can provide that security, we love.
8. Sometimes we like someone to cook for us. Target has a restaurant for those screaming children.  It's as if a man got up and made them pizza and grilled cheese so we could get some chores done around the house. That dude's getting some later.....

By the way, the founder of Target was a man.