Dating 101-Sprung

There is nothing better than the feeling you get when you are falling in love. The talks until 3 am, the butterflies, the texting all day, the fact that you don't accomplish anything (and don't care), the relentless feeling that you want to be and can be a better person just because you met this other person....ahhhh. It's lovely.

Did you know that you decide within 90 seconds and four minutes whether or not you like the person?  Well then what is the point of going on these dinner dates that last a couple of hours?  I guess because people would want to shoot themselves if it was decidedly so.  Maybe this speed dating thing was a great idea.  90 seconds to 4 minutes?  I can have a relationship with the guy who makes my coffee at Starbucks in that amount of time!  This makes me think of the people I have so desperately WANTED to like and cannot for whatever reason, and then I also think of those who I shouldn't have been with but knew within 30 seconds that I wanted to. Maybe it really is beyond my control.  That sucks.

This, my friends, is sexual attraction and it cannot be forced. It isn't just your body, it's your mind and your heart knowing that you're a match.  (Until one of you is an asshole.)

So once you both like each other, you lust.  This involves estrogen and testosterone.  Then comes the stage where your adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin levels are heightened....then the feeling is much like being on cocaine. (Not that I would know.)  This is why you can stay up all night and work the next day, you don't need to eat as much, and all of your thoughts go back to that person no matter what you're thinking about. 

So here's the tricky part....scientists also say that you have a maximum of three years to keep that feeling, two, is more likely. After these feelings go away, you have to use your brain. It's best if you use your head BEFORE the two years is up, but it's almost impossible to make good decisions at this point because you're pretty much clouded and not seeing straight because you're hopped up on coke love. So should we just pick the guy or girl that we know is the "smart choice", because our brains are functioning better in regards to that person?  If it all dissipates a little over time, does all of that attraction matter in the end? 

Yes.  It does.  That's how you bond.  You have to have it.  BUT, that's why it's hard to get over the person if it doesn't work out.

I've never understood people who can control that feeling, you know, that "I HAVE TO HAVE THAT PERSON RIGHT NOW" feeling?  And I applaud it. I have never been able to deny it, play hard to get when I feel like that....I am like a little bunny in front of a wolf if I feel like that.  For example, someone told me the other day that this guy she really really liked kept asking her out and she kept saying no because she wasn't sure that he wasn't a player. Wow. I could never think that straight. It's either there for me or not, and if it's reciprocal, how do you stop yourself?

I guess I am a junkie.

 Should you pick the smart, safe choice regardless of the fact that those feelings are not there? You know, versus the insane and sometimes stupid choice? If you do pick the safe, less crazy pick, do you wind up in the same place, a worse place, or better place than if you choose the one that you really don't choose....because it chooses you?

Once your mind is straight, you look at the person's qualities and whether or not it will actually work with that person. If you still have a great catch, well, then you're lucky.  You have it all. You are able to have friendship, real love, all of that with the person.  That is ideal. 

I don't really have the answer, but I know for me, I haven't ever been able to fake it with someone "perfect on paper", if the rest isn't there. What really sucks is that you know you can't control these occurrences in your life.  If you will only be with people who you have that feeling with and refuse to settle for good companionship, etc, without crazy attraction, then you tend to appreciate when that coke love breezes into your life, because it doesn't happen all the time.  (Unless you're attracted to everything that moves, and in that case, I hate you because I am jealous.)  Hopefully that all made sense, but just thinking about it must make me nuts.

I named this blog "Sprung" because it reminded me of that old song by T-Pain.  Got me doin' things I never do, if you ain't been I'm telling you.......


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxRvDpF2FDA