Flashback Friday-Fade Into You (and a rave about a**holes)

I have to add something to this Friday post. 

Carson was very sad this morning . He missed me and wanted to stay with me until I went to work, so I took him to Starbucks for breakfast. There's this guy there all the time that tries talking to me.  I'm courteous but that's it. I avoid him.  Carson and I got our food and sat outside. The guy comes out and sits at the table next to us.  He sits down and says "I'm going to sit at the table next to yours because you're with your kid, so your guard is down.  I'll be able to see who you really are with your kid."  Swear to God, word for word.

 

Come again???

 

That's right.  I'm with my child, so what the hell is wrong with you?  I thought you were creepy before and now that you just had the nerve to say that to me, I KNOW that you're creepy.  He said "You're a verrrrry guarded person."  I said "Yes, I am.  I am a very guarded person because people are weird and creepy."  I kept turning away from him and he kept talking, and I kept ignoring him.   

 

A few things I should have articulated, but I didn't....

 

#1, My guard is up EVEN MORE with my child than it is without him.  You could be some sexual predator seeking children, or me, and trust me when I say I have NO PROBLEM being a bitch to you in front of my child.  In fact, I just got to show my Carson that he is absolutely number one and more important than any man on the planet, so thanks for the opportunity to ignore you. 

#2, You are cutting into my one-on-one time with my little boy who I love more than anything, so screw you. 

#3, You are part of the world that exists that made me guarded, so screw you again.  I have gotten messed with too many times to count, so yes, I am guarded.  And you're straight up creepy, dude. 

 

You know, I hear "You're so guarded" at least a couple times a week and yet I pour my soul out on the Internet, so I find it very interesting.  I realize I am, especially with guys, but here's the thing.....I was extremely friendly and outgoing and smiley before, and it wasn't really working for me.  After guys followed me around, guys got mad at me and pestered me, YEAH.  I'm guarded.  And then there are the people who I DID trust and they hurt me, F*** yeah, I am guarded. 

 

So what I am finding now is that being a bitch isn't working either.  There's some kind of allure, like I am broken or something.  Maybe I am even worse off coming across like that.

 

Some guys are dicks.  Flat out.  Just freaking creepy.  I need a freaking bubble. 

One of my favorite songs.  Love is a crazy thing, especially the kind that you can fade into and not notice anything else going on around you. What's interesting is that he was doing the same thing...worrying about this or that, and he didn't even notice that she was completely in love with him. I like the line "you live your life, you go in shadows". This sounds to me like the kind of guy who always comes too late. A shadow comes in behind the object. 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ImKY6TZEyrI&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DImKY6TZEyrI

 

I want to hold the hand inside you 
I want to take a breath that's true 
I look to you and I see nothing 
I look to you to see the truth 
You live your life 
You go in shadows 
You'll come apart and you'll go black 
Some kind of night into your darkness 
Colors your eyes with what's not there. 

Fade into you 
Strange you never knew 
Fade into you 
I think it's strange you never knew 

A stranger's light comes on slowly 
A stranger's heart without a home 
You put your hands into your head 
And then it's smiles cover your heart 

Fade into you 
Strange you never knew 
Fade into you 

I think it's strange you never knew 
I think it's strange you never knew