What Women Want

Sigmund Freud once said:

"The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?'"

Freud's first problem when trying to understand women was that he actually believed we all suffered from penis envy, this may be why he couldn't reach "our soul".  His second problem was that he thought too much about his own penis and therefore directed everything back to sex.  Penis narcissism is not the way to the female soul. 

What women want....well, I don't know either, but I do know this.....

• I don't want to ride with a backseat driver because at one point, I too passed the same test. And I had to take it twice because I failed the first time, so technically, I am more experienced.
• I want the temperature to stay within one degree of my personal preference. I don't like burning up and I don't like to be an ice cube.
• I want my socks to stop disappearing one at a time because it is illogical and it confuses my brain.
• I don't want fat to exist on the meat that I eat and yes, I will trim even the smallest of pieces and proceed to make a giant pile on the side of my plate regardless of how many times you tell me I am missing out.  NO!  I DO NOT want to eat that Ribeye embedded with animal fat.  I only eat filets.  If I don't want fat on my OWN ass, why the hell would I want to eat someone else's? And what's more, why are you men trying to get us to eat it when you don't like fat on our asses either? 
• I don't want to MAKE a man do anything.  I want him to WANT to do stuff. 
• I want someone to believe in me.
• I don't want to be treated like a child.
• But I want to feel protected and safe. 
• But I can also take care of myself unless I ask for help.
• I want to be loved on, and then when I want my space, I want my space.  
• I want to be treated with respect. 
• I want to respect the man I am with.  How can I do that when you act like a fool? 
• I don't want beef jerky.
• I want attention but I don't want to be smothered. 
• I want yoga pants and more yoga pants and let's just say that I will never own enough yoga pants.
• I want someone to be as giving to me as I am to them.
• I want to be happy, secure and allowed to be myself. 
• I don't want to be with a douche bag.
• Sometimes I just want to be left alone and it doesn't mean I am mad; it just means that I prefer myself to any other human being on the face of the planet.  Is there a problem?

I asked some of my friends to contribute and this is what they want:

• They want to invent a pair of shoes in their head and magically find it at their local store.
• They want you to listen in the bedroom. Here doesn't mean there, there doesn't mean here.
• They want the toilet seat to be put down so they don't have to touch it.
• They want to be able to take care of the kids while having a life outside of the home.
• They want to eat whatever they want while losing weight.
• They want you to understand hormones....especially when we are pregnant.  They make us nuts. 
• They want to never be caught farting. Ever.
• They want sprays on their mini perfumes, not those stupid tops. You look like Macgyver trying to disable a bomb when you use one of those.

Is this difficult?


And Freud thought all we wanted was a penis. ha ha ha.