One of my favorite professors at Georgia State taught "Dysfunctional Families in Literature" and she quoted an author, unfortunately I can't remember who it was, as saying "no two siblings have the same parent". So true. Your experience with each child is going to be different for many reasons and their take on you will be different than their sibling's.
You have to consider two variables....your age and their birth order. I have said a million times, I am a different mother with Logan and Lindsey than I am with Carson and Dylan. For one, I was 20 when I had my first set, plus they were my first kids. I wasn't as confident as I was with Carson and Dylan, I listened to everyone's opinions, and I figured I needed guidance because I was young....no. Everyone needs guidance with their first because it's scary and you don't know what the hell you're doing. AND I WAS HAVING TWO! Can you imagine? I was scared, which made me rigid and structured about everything. On top of that, I was raising them alone and it was stressful anyway. I was terrified to mess up but I was also extremely excited, so I read every baby book I could get my hands on, I prepared for everything, and had a very precise parenting plan. Carson and Dylan? Ha. I was along for the ride and I intended to snuggle them and enjoy every moment. I didn't want to waste my moments with them hurrying and shuffling them around because we had to stay on a schedule. For example, Logan and Lindsey were in bassinets and cribs from the beginning because I heard I would spoil them if I let them sleep with me. Carson and Dylan have slept in their beds maybe 10 times, like, ever. And they are 5.
You also have to consider the sex of the child. I will never forget being 8 months pregnant, sitting cross-legged on the ground, COUNTING Logan and Lindsey's socks before they were born. I wanted to make sure they both had an equal amount of everything because I wanted to make everything fair. If I bought something for Lindsey to wear, I bought something for Logan. I had a complex before they were even born. I wanted a boy and a girl, but I felt guilty about being more excited about the girl clothes, so even before I saw Logan's little face, I was making sure I was treating him the same. The whole thing is funny to me now because like my newborns were going to know how many socks they owned??? It's also funny because you don't treat girls and boys the same anyway. You may love them the same, but you handle them differently. To say that girls and boys are the same is ludicrous and it's something that I have come to terms with having been a mother for 13 years. I definitely didn't understand this while I was counting pink and blue socks. I handle Lindsey differently than Logan and I always have. That's ok. They weren't built the same. And I have no idea how many pairs of socks either of them have now. Logan gets things that Lindsey doesn't and Lindsey gets things that Logan doesn't.
You also have to consider that each child is unique, therefore you are unique to them. To Lindsey, I'm a girl who likes taking her to tea and the ballet and loves braiding her hair. She also requires a different tone and discipline action than the others. To Logan, I'm a clown. He thinks I'm hilarious because he has the same sense of humor. He also requires much stricter discipline because he will push further than all of my kids in order to get away with whatever it is he wants to get away with. He is a risk taker and he is stubborn. To Carson and Dylan, I'm a sucker who likes to snuggle and take them places. Even my bond with the two of them is different. Carson can be spunky and difficult but has the sweetest heart imaginable. Dylan is hilarious with a good heart and is always easy. People have to earn Carson. Dylan on the other hand, loves the world; he is infectious.
I look at my own siblings and although there are only two years between me and Tyson and Ashli, we have different views and experiences with our parents for many reasons. The baby, Lauren, is 8 years younger than us, and I always tell her "I paved the way for you!" Things I wasn't allowed to do, Lauren was, and at an even younger age.
I think that this idea is important to accept when raising multiple children. If you accept it, you can get a lot further with your kids than just claiming that everything is "fair". We all know that's BS, so we may as well own up to it.
#honestparenting <-----------insert useless hashtag.
I look at my own siblings and although there are only two years between me and Tyson and Ashli, we have different views and experiences with our parents for many reasons. The baby, Lauren, is 8 years younger than us, and I always tell her "I paved the way for you!" Things I wasn't allowed to do, Lauren was, and at an even younger age.
I think that this idea is important to accept when raising multiple children. If you accept it, you can get a lot further with your kids than just claiming that everything is "fair". We all know that's BS, so we may as well own up to it.
#honestparenting <-----------insert useless hashtag.
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