Analyzing About Analyzing

I was eating sushi with Michelle and Kellie on Saturday and we were talking about Critical Thinking classes in college. I said I loved them.  Michelle said "That's because you're so logical, Brittany."  I laughed and said WHAT???  I reacted like this because I often feel impulsive, scattered, and silly....I am doing things like speeding and forgetting things and leaving the gas pump in the car and driving off.  Then she  said "You analyze everything.  You pay attention to things I wouldn't even see".  I analyzed that for a moment and realized that just because my logic seems illogical in my head, it doesn't mean I am not logical.  I am in fact, logical.  I do analyze everything,  I even analyze my feelings until they are clear and cut.  In fact, the only time I am seriously uncomfortable is when I don't know what I am feeling.  If I know the emotion, I can deal with that and most of the time, I have to analyze the situation to get to the root of my feelings.  The reason I leave my coffee on my car and drive off is because I am analyzing something important.  Or not important.  It could be like, the color of the leaves in a tree above me or whether or not I should eat carbs that day.  Most of the time though, it's something important.

Sometimes I wonder if I would have ever made any decisions at all when I was younger if it weren't for two things: fate intervening first and being naive.  The most defining moments in my life didn't have to do with how much I analyzed a situation, they had to do with feelings and not knowing much about the world.  I was like a feather, blowing and landing and not even knowing it.  I think this happens in your 20's.  You react, and then later, you learn and clean up your messes.

Then you turn 30.  You try to make every move deliberate based on what you've learned before.  This is liberating because you feel like you have more control and yet, it's very scary to me right now.  Why?  Because I feel like without fate, I wouldn't have moved. So what if I just analyze and sit here, never making a decision?  Maybe I will sit and analyze about whether to analyze or not.  Should I analyze or just let things happen?  Because I don't think that's wise just to let things happen, but then again, the best things happened to me when I didn't think about them.  I feel like I am on the eve of making decisions that will forever have an effect on my life.  Right now I am floating, doing my thing, rolling with it, and inside I am tumbling around knowing that it is just a temporary road to more permanence.  I feel like the next decisions I make will be huge ones. It's a lot scarier when you analyze and take your time to make a decision rather than react to something that just happens to you.  Why? You have no one to blame but yourself if you're wrong. 

I think the issue is that I'm really not sure what I want yet.  I am analyzing it. Or should I analyze it? 

My brain is completely exhausting.