One of my sisters is nursing a broken heart right now. She posted on Facebook this morning "How do you get over someone you love?" The comments varied from "eat chocolate" to "let me know when you figure it out". I said that you have to remove yourself from the situation, you have to cut off all ties, give it time, and do not follow the advice that many will give you, which is "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone." That is terrible advice. When you and if you truly love someone, you will never truly be "over them" because you love them. You will, however, redefine that love, learn from the experience, decide if you want the person in your life or not, weigh whether it's healthy or not, and that's how you move on. You get a tight hold on your heart and let your head take over. You keep your love locked down, (your love locked down), says Kanye.
The biggest mistake girls make, and maybe guys do too but I don't know for sure, is that we don't understand why if we make a guy's life better, why they would not want to be with us. We don't understand why if we are so good to a guy, why they wouldn't love us back. Well, there are a lot of reasons and we just have to accept them. Analyzing does nothing for you. Maybe they don't want the same things as you do, or maybe they just don't love you back....ouch. You could be perfect and might be close to it, but it doesn't matter. Who the hell knows and who cares. It's their issue and not yours in the long run because YOU WILL love again, and you'll love someone who loves you back. Also, girls, if you are really honest with yourself, you realize that you have said the same thing to other guys. I know I have said the following more times than not......It's not you, it's me, I love you as a friend, I love you, but not like that. You're too good for me. You're too nice to me. I'm messed up. I'm emotionally crippled, you deserve better. It makes me feel bad that I have made guys feel like that because it's a powerless, horrible feeling. You would take a bullet for the person, you would do anything to make them happy, you feel like your heart could explode when you hold them....and they feel nothing. Yeah, it sucks, but that's the way it goes. Stop chasing it. If they wanted to be with you, they would be. If they loved you, you wouldn't be in this situation. If they saw how awesome you were, they wouldn't allow you to sit there single and available for another guy to snatch you up. Love is blind, and he can see, so there ya go.
There's this song that girls seem to love called "The Cup Song". It says "You're gonna miss me when I'm gone." All girls want to believe this, but you know what I think? I think we tell ourselves a lot of stuff to make ourselves feel better after being rejected. All you have to do is listen to an Adele album in its entirety to understand how excruciatingly painful a heartbreak is for a girl and how hard it is for us to understand how we could be so sweet, so loving, so giving....and have it thrown away by the dumbass guy we're in love with. We just have to toughen up and move on with our lives, girls. Guys, you too. We're not that different. If we loved you, we'd be silly, ridiculously crazy and giddy over you.
Some concrete advice for getting over someone....don't listen to love songs, don't watch love movies, exercise, stay busy, get away from your social circle and avoid mutual friends if needed, stay away from places you may run into the person, fall in love with yourself and embrace being alone, don't put pressure on yourself to move on (this includes dating). Dating is a stupid idea when you love someone else. Do you really want to emotionally injure someone else? Pray hard. Think about all of the things you hate about him, even if they're stupid. Think about all of the bad things or habits that you may not even know about. And then think "Yeah, I loved him even though he does this this and this....what an idiot." Lie to yourself as much as you can, brainwash yourself, and eventually you will believe it and you'll feel differently.
I have had to do all of these things, and although I am changed forever, I am not broken and I am over it. It is what it is.
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