- The guy is just really awesome or has some quality that just makes him absolutely amazing. OR........
- He tricked her into thinking she was Dating Up
Dating up is what everyone wants to do; it's dating someone who is a catch, maybe even better than you. People either want to date up or laterally. No one wakes up and says "I hope I find a total loser today", but it happens. So how does that work?
How It Works
I think Dating Up goes hand-in-hand with the art of playing hard-to-get. I will illustrate......
I am at a spot in my life where I am happy where I am. I don't need a guy, I don't really think I want one, and I am even starting to forget how being "attached" feels and how it works. I am at this spot in my life where I weigh the following two things:
- My freedom and how much am I willing to give up for another person
- Are you someone I want to alter my life for, even a little bit
Having an attitude that you are independent, self-sufficient and totally cool with what you are doing CAN come off as "I'm too good for you". I don't think I am too good for people, but nevertheless, it does come off that way. The result is this: I am hard to get, which looks like I am playing hard-to-get, and we all know about that. It works; in my situation, it is not intentional, it's just the way I am now at this stage of my life. Note: If you like me, I am full of flaws, I am a pain in the ass sometimes, and I am aloof because of where I am in my life, not because I am freaking awesome. This does not and should not make me appealing, so you'd better consider the reasons you like me. It's accidental mind games, I assure you.
Have you ever asked yourself why you always want what you can't have? Why when someone plays hard to get do you have to have them? It's an illusion; one that I am totally aware of now, and I have definitely fallen victim to myself.
What is the illusion?
That the person is somehow better than you are. Not true.
If you have ever asked yourself "Why does she go after these douche bags?" or "Why does he like her? She's a total slut bag ho!"
Dating Up.
The slut bag ho doesn't love the guy you love or she would be with him; it's as simple as that. THIS is really sad because as you sit and love the person (and maybe you just think you do because you can't have him, I don't know), you watch a loser continuously hurt your baby. That's why life sucks.
Here's an example:
I have a friend; we will call her Megan because I don't think I know any Megans. Megan started sleeping with this guy; we will call him Dave. Dave kind of jerked her around for about six months and she found out a few months ago that he had been talking to this other girl pretty seriously. When she found out, she was pissed because she felt played. She confronted him about the other girl and that was that. I was very proud of her and I hate Dave. (I didn't like him from the get-go.) Ok, so all of a sudden, Dave is really interested in her since she won't talk to him. She texted me today and said "I don't know what I was thinking. He isn't even cute, and he's a loser!" The illusion of Dating up, baby. Dating up. Meanwhile, he looks at her now as if SHE is better than HIM and now he wants to know why and wants her back. Ugh. Exhausting. And you know what? She will probably go back because he already tricked her at some point in their relationship that he was better than she is. She will go back and then he will do the same crap all over again. Why? Because he only wants her because he can't have her and once he gets her, he will get bored again. I hate Dave. Jerk.
I feel like saying we would all be better off dating laterally so we wouldn't all be chasing each other in circles, but that really isn't a good thing to say either because there are a lot of people with low confidence and if they were to date what they thought they deserved, they would end up with something they most certainly didn't deserve, because they aren't a loser. I would tell my daughter, "you'd better date up" and I would tell my son "you'd better be the guy the girls land when they date up, and don't disappoint them." I think that's the way it should be.
What I do know is this....there is genuine love and then there is all of this garbage that comes before you do truly love someone for who they are. You can't choose who you love, so you'd better be sure you surround yourself with the right kind of people....the kind of people who don't play games with your heart, the kind of people who are really in your league, and the kind of people who aren't just with you because you are better than them.
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