The Ugly Truths Every Man Needs to Accept About Women

I feel like the men will understand these and the little boys will not, just like little girls don't know how to tell a man and a woman does....

1. We don't enjoy jack hammer sex.  No seriously.  I am being for real right now.  We are not physically made for that to feel good and quite honestly, we can't understand how YOU are. We have no respect for a man who doesn't care whether we enjoy ourselves or not in the bedroom. If you don't try, we think you are a loser because, well, you are.  Men who only care about themselves in the bedroom are not real men and we ask ourselves "Why are we here?"  A real man enjoys making a woman happy just as much as he enjoys making himself happy. Oh, and we laugh behind your backs when you are lazy and selfish.  We tell our friends too.
2. We want you to care about who we are and what we feel. We understand that you don't always want to talk and know what's going on, but it's important to us that you have our backs and care about what's on our minds.
3. We don't like being manipulated into sex. How about giving us a backrub when you're already going to get laid, or taking us to dinner because you want to see us happy?  We can smell faux romantic attempts a mile away and they piss us off. 
4. Hormones make us crazy. We know we can be emotional and we need you to accept that sometimes we are not at our most graceful and lovely self, unless you want to be with a dude.  Keep in mind, we're the ones dealing with the crazy fluctuations and it sucks for us too.  Even girls who don't normally cry, cry when their hormones are out of whack.  You really have no idea what it is like to control them.  The best thing you could do is not hold anything against us and give us a hug. 
5. We are visual too. You guys think you're the only ones with eyesight?  We care what you look like, we just might not cheat or leave you for getting fat, bald, and boring.  When you are bitching about us "letting ourselves go" you'd better make sure you're looking awesome first.  
6. We are complex.  It drives us nuts that you are so simple-minded and black and white, even if we respect it. We wish you could get into our heads and when you can't, we feel very alone. 
7. We want to feel secure. This is always the root of our complaints.  We want to feel secure. We want to know that you aren't going anywhere, that you love us, that everything is going to be ok, and that we can relax.
8. We have a lot on our plates. Most girls I know have entirely too much going on in their lives, especially mothers.  They do everything for everyone, worry about everyone, etc.  We get overwhelmed.  We find you incredibly selfish and narcissistic for not understanding that not everything is about you and your penis. Also, generally speaking, women can't have sex until they relax and men have sex to relax.  We don't really want to make EVERY decision and do everything there is to do; we like having a partner. When you are careless or don't understand why things need to be done a certain way or at all, it makes us feel alone.  It also makes us feel underappreciated because you'll never walk in our shoes and you don't see what we go through to make sure everything is running smoothly.
9. Sometimes we hate you because we think you're stupid. We think you're stupid for not understanding our feelings.  We think you're socially retarded and that you don't think before doing things.  We don't like Carnations, we don't like being ignored, and we don't like having to vent to our girlfriends about how stupid and selfish you are.
10. We don't like being your mother. You think we woke up one day and said "I love treating the man I love like he's a child"?  No.  You acted like one on more than one occasion and we had already invested so much in you, so we had to do the best with our situation.
11. We don't like to nag. The definition of nag is "repeatedly request the same thing".  You can't nag someone who does it the first time or within reasonable time or that would be weird and backwards.  I mean, would you want to wait 7 months for us to shave our legs? 
12. Speaking of hair, we groom ourselves...so should you.  I mean, who do you think you are?  You can let yourselves go down there but we can't?   Check yourself before you complain, you dummies. Across the board, do that!
13. Sometimes we are dramatic. Sorry, but try seeing the world in shades of grey or color like we do.  It's a lot scarier than black and white, which is how you see things. 
14. We aren't asexual. I'll tell you a secret, especially to some of the married men and notice I said SOME....if you think your wife is asexual because you aren't getting any, there is a chance that you are blind.  Read "50 Shades of Grey" or remember "Magic Mike"?  There is a good chance that.....You're doing it wrong!!!  Sure, your old bag of tricks may not be working....doesn't mean it's her. Step it up before you assume it's her. We can get bored of you just like you can get bored of us......
15. Sometimes we also hate your face.....which results in us not wanting to sleep with you as much.  I know this is harsh, but when we see your eyes glaze over while we are bearing our soul, when we're accused of nagging because we gave you 3 months to do something, you have stopped courting us, and the only time we get a back rub is when you want a quickie....yeah, you're less attractive to us.  I have a lot of married friends who text me and tell me how lucky I am that I am divorced because they still have to put up with burps and socks on the floor and general stupidity.
16. We are awesome and superior.  Women really are a beautiful and amazing species and you're missing out on how amazing we are when you simplify us into being walking vaginas.

Tomorrow: Why Making Your Partner Happy Makes You Happy In the End