White Flag

sur·ren·der (v)

to give up, abandon, or relinquish

Look at the word SURRENDER.  I don't think that there is another word that carries a more stark contrast of emotions for me.  At first, the idea of surrendering makes me turn my nose up.  Then I think about what it can mean, and I change my mind.  

I see a lot of thrashing when I think of the word SURRENDER, which is pretty interesting.  In my mind, surrendering seems like  you're having to do something you don't want to do. To surrender, you have to relinquish power somehow. There have been times when I have released the reins from my cold, bloodless fingers out of necessity and I have felt as if my insides are violently clanging around the whole time. They are reluctant as I hold my grip and I am pissed as my fingers are pried without my consent. Or is that just being conquered?

I see something beautiful when I think of the word SURRENDER. I see someone believing in God and forfeiting his will for God's will.  I see someone knowing what's best for him or his child and letting go of desires or selfishness. I see someone trading in his wants and needs in for the people he loves.  I see someone sacrificing himself for the greater good.  I see a person letting go of baggage and becoming free and a new person because he surrenders to something better. 

Finally, I see sadness when I see the word SURRENDER.  To exhaust all of your energy and resources while fighting for something or someone you loved or cared about because hope has evaporated....is there anything more sad?  Not to me.  Giving up on something you fought for is gut-wrenching.  Becoming so drained physically, emotionally and mentally that you no longer can fight, is sad.  


When I get to the point where I am lifeless on the ground, my fingers are so flaccid that someone can just walk over and take the reins without a fight, that is truly the saddest moment in my life. First of all, because I am the type of person who fights to the death.  Secondly, because I realize there was never hope to begin with.  I was never going to win, I was never going to succeed.  Worst of all, whoever or whatever I was fighting for no longer has me as a protector and soldier because I have given up. To go even further, what if the person doesn't even care that you have given up?  Then it proves that every battle was fought in vain and you are on the ground, having wasted your energy on something that didn't matter and wasn't ever going to.