The Domino Effect-Your Heart

This isn't about diet and exercise, but it's about your heart, and a lot of us need to get things in order right there.  It is, after all, one of the dominos.......

I read a really funny blog yesterday that was about New Year's Resolutions and dating and I was cracking up because the guy was so right.  He basically said "Why would a new year have anything to do with meeting the right person?"  If it were that easy, wouldn't it have happened already?  He said the biggest reason that it's such a dumb idea to make dating a New Year's Resolution is that we are always bringing our old baggage into the new year.  But I mean, how can you not?  When you are smarter, you carry more luggage in case of an emergency.  Duh!  The problem is that you have to pay a fortune to get any airplane to store it for you.  Therein lies the problem.

Dating in your 20's is so different than dating in your 30's because you don't know as much about people and the world  and relationships when you are younger.  Your heart tends to control the wheel and you aren't as jaded.  When you are older, your head sets up all of these parameters as a defense.  Then again, you can still find yourself lost if your heart wins over your head. You know what?  I don't know anything.  This is all so confusing.  I know you can't make your heart feel something it doesn't and I know you can't stop your heart from feeling something when it does, so maybe your head is the loser in the situation, which makes it stupid that we even set up criteria for "who we should be with" because in the end, it won't matter anyway because your heart ultimately is the winner.  It's so confusing.  I would be willing to say that a broken heart in your 30's is much more dangerous. A broken heart in your 30's feels worse because your brain assesses the damage even more and stops you from trying again. 

Which leads me to my point.....


I told my sister and a couple of my friends that I would start dabbling in dating this year and I am back and forth about it.  On a good day, I know these are all ridiculous and I understand that I need to be positive.  On a bad day, I throw my hands up and just vow to preserve myself for all of eternity.  Here are my reasons......

• I haven't decided how much of my time and life I am willing to share. I feel like I categorize too much.  We can have a conversation, but I am not so sure where this is going if I ultimately don't want to share my extra sink in my bathroom.
• I don't want to get hurt because I already am. Sometimes I wonder if the only way to get over one heartbreak is to have someone else break it. 
• I really don't have time. I don't want to become one of these girls that can't commit to an hour for dinner, but I pretty much have. It's like I am immediately setting up 100 hoops for someone to NOT jump through.  This is a problem, I would say. My kids and my friends get me entirely. 
• I think the word DATE is stupid. "I can't go with you.  I have a date."  Ugh.  Barf.  I have never ended up with anyone or fallen in love with anyone from going on a date.  I have fallen in love with friends, people I already know, or we are just like accidentally meeting or hanging out, so you can imagine why pre-planned meetings ROMANTICALLY are extremely unsettling to me. It just kind of happens for me and my head is never involved, which is probably really stupid because it should be. 
• I tend to love things that don't love me back. This is by far, the scariest thing to me.  This truth stops me absolutely frozen in my tracks.  I just told my friend, Kasie, yesterday that I feel like I go where the love needs me to go, and then I am cursed, loving someone who will never love me.  I feel like if I were walking down the street and I saw two people to love, I would run to the one who would run from me.  It's almost instinctual at this point.  So YEAH!  Let's go on a date!!!  I feel like the Universe sits back and laughs at me.  Like Poor Brittany.  Haha.  She will never learn.  But look at her persistence! 
• I don't know what to do with the ones who love me.  I am chasing someone who doesn't love me while the one who loves me is not chasing me, but standing there solid, waiting for me to use my brain one day.  Also laughing at me. 
• I know what I want. Sometimes.
• I have too many rules.  Sometimes.

I wish I didn't analyze so much, but it's in my nature.  The more I analyze, the less I seem to know.