To Be Betrothed Would Ever Thou Suck

One of my friends is really into the show "The Tudors" right now.  We were talking about how horrible it would have been to be betrothed because you would eventually have to have sex with your husband.  I know that sometimes people joke about how they would possibly have been better off if their parents HAD arranged their marriages, but really think about it…..my friend and I did and we came up with a list of reasons why we are happy we’re allowed to choose our spouse, or should I say a list of people. The idea of being forced to sleep with the guys below, well, we'd rather be beheaded like Anne Boleyn.  It would be tortuous to know for years that you are eventually going to have to sleep with one of these guys…….

Flava Flav. We would rather drink our own pee than be under the same
sheet as Flava Flav. 

Richard Grieco...This may sound strange, but this one is mine. 
He has DATE RAPIST written all over him and he has always
given me the absolute creeps.  I have been freaked out by him
since I was a very young child.  I would run for my life if I saw him today.

Conan, we love when you say "Be cool, my babies!" But you are
still on the list. 

 Jay Leno.  Letterman was better.

Will Ferrell in an Elf suit.  I mean, for one, could you even keep
a straight face? I would totally say "Brittany the elf!  What's your favorite color?"

Michael Bolton.  I would beat him over the head with his microphone.
He's still a No Talent Ass Clown.

David Spade?  Ummmmm no.

Fabio.  Just because you aren't fat doesn't mean you're hot. He's so gross.

Carrot Top....I would jump from a window.

Prince Charles may be a prince, but there is only so much we would do
to become princesses.

What the hell was Julia Roberts thinking?  Lyle Lovett?
I would cry my eyes out.  I would.  I would cry.

Andre the Giant....we decided that giants in general are a bad thing.

Nick Nolte.....just scary.

The creep from "Lost", Michael Emerson.  Scary.

William Mapother, the other creep from "Lost".

Marilyn Manson.....yeah, that would be rather tortuous, I would imagine. 
I would definitely be clinging to my rosary reciting Hail Mary.

You've got the moves, Jagger, but you're still on our list.

Steven Tyler.....at least he would be entertaining. Have you heard the
crazy crap that comes out of his mouth?

Steve Buscemi....no explanation required.  His voice is also
like nails on a chalkboard.

Gerard Butler....JUST KIDDING!!!  We just wanted an excuse to post
a picture of him.  It should be illegal.  He's like a Greek god.