Girl Drama

Being 11, almost 12, is rough.  Lindsey will be 12 next month.  Middle school sucked, didn't it?  It's awkward in every way and it's even harder nowadays with Instagram and Facebook.  First of all, they are growing up more quickly because they have access to more information.  Secondly, they fight differently than we did.  Now, you can block someone or post something terrible online....the worst we did was three-way call each other, which actually, was mortifying on the receiving end, now that I think about it. Ugh,  I don't even like to think about a three-way call.  Luckily, I didn't have to deal with getting bullied or anything, however, one time these girls (who I didn't even know, but it had something to do with my boyfriend) called and said they were going to beat me up and to meet them at the flagpole.  I laughed at them and told them that I wouldn't be there.  I got off the phone and thought "How dumb would you have to be to go alone to meet a group of girls who already said they were going to beat you up?"  I still don't get it.  They never bothered me after that phone call. 

Before I go any further, let me specify what I am talking about.  When I say DRAMA, I am talking about situations arising because of girls being nasty because they are mean.  When I say I don't like drama, I don't like fighting and being upset about people and vice versa.  There are actually girls who love it.  I don't get it.  Now, I am a DRAMA QUEEN sometimes.  I dramatically tell stories, I get overly upset about myself and my feelings, and I sometimes think things are a big deal when they really aren't.....but it's probably most likely aimed at myself.  I am very hard on myself.  I am chill with other people and like people to be happy. 

Anyway, I don't feel like I have ever dealt well with girl drama in my own life.  It makes me sick.  But, I don't feel like I have friends who cause it and never really have.  I last about 2 seconds with a girl who is, let's see....stupid and shallow?  I have a lot of guy friends for a reason, and I only have one type of girlfriend.....cool.  So considering that I hate drama, imagine how I feel dealing with my kid's and how horrified I am when I realize that she is behaving like a girl who I wouldn't hang out with.  Thursday night I got home and told Lindsey to stop texting and get ready for bed, so I held out my hand for her phone.  She acted funny when I asked for it, so I told her to unlock it.  I started looking through all of her texts and she freaked out and yelled at me.  She said I had no right, blah blah blah....and I laughed and told her she was wrong and to go to her room.  I never raised my voice, I just continued about my business.  (Or her business.  Ha ha.)  She was yelling that she hated me.  I laughed and said "Ok.  That's fine.  I don't care.  Go to bed."

I saw that she and her friend had been fighting over a bobby pin.  Yes.  A bobby pin with sparkles that probably cost 10 cents.  They started accusing each other of having greasy hair and dandruff.  Lindsey's friend said "I just threw it away, so HA!"  And Lindsey said "Well I just threw away your sleep mask, so HA RIGHT BACK!"  Omg.  I would go on, but I can't even waste my finger strength.  I called the girl's mom (who is also my friend) and told her to take her daughter's phone and read this ridiculous conversation.  We laughed our asses off at them.  I said that I was happy it wasn't worse and about boys or something, but it was still so stupid!!!  Oh, and one day it will be about boys and not bobby pins.  I can't WAIT for THAT!!!  We both sat on the phone, puzzled.  We decided to tell the girls that they were either going to get along or not be friends anymore.  We are tired of watching them treat each other badly.  We said that we were going to stay friends, so whatever they decided was fine, but we weren't dealing with it anymore. 

Really, it's runs deeper than a bobby pin.  They are competitive with friends and jealous and weird with each other.  There's more to the story.  I know that.

Lindsey and I are struggling with each other right now because we are very different.  We are alike in some ways, like our sense of humor and interests, but really, we realize that we have very different personalities.  She makes fun of me for talking to strangers all the time, but she actually likes it and says she wishes she were more like that.  I like her the way she is because sometimes I wish I were quieter.  Yesterday I made a friend in line at Subway.  The lady is from Chicago and has two little girls and they just moved here three weeks ago and didn't know one person, but now she does.  I gave her my number.  Lindsey thought it was cool, but she also teased me for talking to everything but trees. 

I forget that Lindsey is more reserved than I am because I see her around kids she has known all her life, and then I see her introduce herself.  She just smiles and speaks quietly.  When she was a little girl, I didn't know anything other than the fact that she was so extremely sweet.  Now that she is older, I realize that she is quiet; she lets her emotions bubble up and then explodes at people.  She is uptight sometimes and is easily irritated and doesn't like when I tell her to relax and chill.  She's more reserved and shy in general, and she doesn't like being different than others.  She gets her feelings hurt easily, actually, I do too.  The difference is that she gets angry and defensive and reacts vindictively when someone hurts her.  This is the part that I am so upset about.  It's very upsetting to me.  Anyway, she is very serious and she worries a lot.  She is also very driven.  Gosh, that kid is driven.  Lindsey is always awesome at everything she tries or wants to be good at.  She is amazing.  She decides to learn how to tumble; she goes outside and does it.  She is focused on dance like a professional, she handles the lack of time in her life well, she gets good grades....she is an amazing kid.  On the other hand, if she doesn't care about something, well, it's obvious.  Lindsey is hilarious.  She is smart.  She has a sweet heart.  She's a good girl.

One thing that I saw her write to another friend that I was proud of was "We shouldn't be fighting about a boy.  Boys aren't as important as friendships because friendships are forever.  Don't let a boy come between us. "  Right????

I am trying to spend more time with her, especially giving her tips on how to handle her emotions and other girls.  Her anger, I do not understand at all, but I have to remember that she isn't like me and that's ok.  I love her for who she is and how she is, and in many ways I adore that she isn't afraid to be feisty and say something when she's upset.  She just needs to tweak it.  I think she really does want to do the right thing, she just doesn't know how.  That's where I come in. 

Pray hard for me.  Pre-teen girls....omg.  I am so happy I only have one girl.  Boys are so easy. 

By the way, I think Lindsey is on the verge of becoming a vegetarian.  I really do think she's going to decide to drop meat completely one of these days.  I can't get her to eat anything except (and this sounds funny) cheeseburgers, and that is even dwindling.  She doesn't like the taste of meat, she doesn't like chewing it, and now she says she thinks it's mean. She used to at least eat Chick-fil-a, but now she has decided she hates chicken.  She won't EVER eat steak, she doesn't really like fish....I don't know what to do with her.  I am in a constant battle with her and food.  I could scream.  The only thing she ever wants is a ham and cheese sandwich.  That's it.