Identity

My name is Brittany, aka Britter Critter, Britty, Britt, and Beatle.  I am the mother of two sets of twins, I have moved around a lot, I am a paralegal, I love to read and write, I value education and have faith in people, I hate politicians and become upset about social injustices, I like to work out, I love coffee, I love my family and friends, I try to be a good person, and I have been in love.  I am sometimes agreeable and sometimes stubborn, I love yoga and believe in God.  I love Alice in Wonderland, mafia movies, and Nora Ephron.  I used to be married, now I am divorced. I am a good girl, but I question authority and analyze at all times.  I don’t fear heights but I have trypophobia and fear losing my fingers to the garbage disposal.  I hate more than anything: people who shamelessly judge others, lack empathy, and don’t attempt to have perspective on the world.  I am always soul searching. 

What makes us who we are?  To ask yourself Who am I is both simple and complex for most of us.   Examples:

Simple:

I was born a girl. 

My parents named me Brittany Elizabeth Waggoner.  I weighed 9 pounds, 2 ounces, in Indiana to a schoolteacher and an accountant.  I liked to read and wore pigtails and ruffles.   I am white, American; blue eyed, and was raised Christian.  I became a sister at two.  I played violin, attended Catholic school, and I wore plaid skirts. 

Complex:

How did I become a writer? 

Brittany was a quiet child who read a lot and didn’t like to talk when something was bothering her.  She covered her ears, went to the corner and screamed “LALALALALA” when her mother wanted to talk about her feelings. Brittany’s mother gave her a journal to write about her feelings.  Brittany grew up one day and became a writer.  Brittany still feels backed into a corner when someone probes her to talk.  Brittany is working on this.   

Simple:

Brittany likes the opposite sex. 

Brittany’s first crush was a boy named Adam with big brown eyes and tan skin in 4^th grade.  She wanted to hug and squeeze him when she saw him. 

Complex:

Brittany is single. 

Brittany has learned all kinds of things about men, women, and relationships.  When she considers hugging and squeezing a cute boy, she promptly considers whether that is a good idea or not. 

I wonder how it would feel not to know who I am.  Can you imagine waking up and not knowing who the hell you are when you look in the mirror?

There is a lot of bashing going on right now in reference to Bruce Jenner and NAACP President, Rachel Dolezal, and while I will be the first to admit that I don’t understand how you don’t identify with your sex organs or color of your skin because I don't have that issue, I also don’t understand a lot of other people and situations and just as I would try to refrain from being a totally close-minded asshat in other situations, I have decided to do the same regarding the two of them.  Just because something is “bizarre” or “weird” or “freakish” doesn’t mean that we should be cruel, in fact, aren’t those the people we need to show the most empathy? Weren’t we called as human beings to do just that?  To me, this isn’t any different than making fun of a schizophrenic. 

EINAR WEGENER/LILI ELBE

First of all, I am really sick of hearing about Bruce Jenner.  I don't care whether he has a penis or vagina because I am not having sex with him.  Why would that have an effect on my life?  Also, I read a novel called The Danish Girl in college.  It's about Einar Wegener, a Danish artist who went through sex reassignment surgery, and became Lili Elbe.  He was born in 1882 and died in 1931.  So unless you can blame the Kardashians, the "sick liberal media", or our country's lack of morality in some way for that one, you may want to consider that this might be some kind of physical disorder and that science and sexuality may be more complex than your thought process.  

As far as Rachel Dolezal goes, I don't have any idea what that's about.  I will admit, when I heard about that, I said "WTF?"  But after saying "How the hell do you do that," I thought about how lost she is.  Whether she is a simply a liar, wants attention, or she really doesn't identify with her race, I am not sure any of it matters.  That is a huge cry for attention if that's what she was seeking and there is no doubt that she is extremely lost.  No matter what the reason, she needs help.  I won't make fun of her.  

In both of these situations, identity is in question and it has made me consider the idea of identity and the crucial role it plays in society.  

Have you ever considered how important your identity is or wondered how it developed? Have you taken a moment after reading about Jenner and Dolezal to appreciate the fact that you have an identity?  I have.  I think our identity is something we take for granted, which is silly because a lot goes into developing it, all the way from genetics to environment. If identity weren’t important, countries wouldn’t name themselves, they wouldn’t wave flags, we wouldn’t join clubs, we wouldn’t go to school, choose professions, name our children, we wouldn’t see counselors—in fact, what WOULD we do?  We live in a time where we are constantly branding ourselves online.  We must have the need to identify with others, otherwise, social media would have been a complete flop.  What is social media?  Aren’t people showcasing what and who they identify with on a daily basis on Instagram and Facebook?  Why do we do this?  And I have to ask myself, how must it feel, especially nowadays, to have no sense of self?  Is it worse or better?  Is it harder to find yourself or easier?

If you ever watched the movie The Net or have had someone try to steal your identity, you can’t help but respect your social security number, name, and credit history.  But on a deeper level than just digits and letters, your identity is the way you find community, support, and a sense of shelter.  Identity allows you to find a place within society and feel a sense of purpose, no matter what that purpose might be.  On the most microscopic level, your identity is all of the things that you think and do not understand, all of the quirks and things that make you who you are—if this wasn’t a key element to your overall identity, people wouldn’t go to shrinks to make sense of them.

Jenner and Dolzal are drastic versions of identity in question, but people suffer daily from not knowing who they are, what they want, and why they do what they do.  Human beings are highly complex and the fact that we want to simplify ourselves into categories that we can understand is probably our first mistake.  Our second mistake is that we don't try to understand and see each other.  With every turn taken, place lived, event persevered, thought had, book read, conversation heard, grade passed, I was developed and am still developing into the Brittany I am today and will be at 95 and no one else is any different.  If you take a minute to self reflect, my guess is that you will be find the same thing about yourself.  If you take a minute to appreciate yourself, I think you can begin to empathize with someone who cannot do the same.  If you take a minute, I’ll bet the world would be a little better if your tongue weren’t so sharp.  Who we are IS important.  Shouldn’t we be better versions?