Stupid Spongebob

I had SO much fun yesterday telling the kids that Spongebob makes them stupid.  And they cared!  At first they didn't believe us, but when the story came on the news and they read the headline "Spongebob Makes Kids Dumb" they completely shut up.  It was as if they were in shock.  Logan said "What's an attention span?  How does Spongebob hurt me?"  We both said "ADD."  We explained in more detail, but that was the first thing that came out of our mouths.  I don't think that they will be watching it anymore.  They were fighting about who watches it less, determined to be the smarter one.  "I barely watch it.  Logan watches it every day!"  "Nuh-uh, Lindsey!  You watch it more!" HAAA!  I love it. I've always wondered what kinds of boneheads actually WRITE that show.  They probably graduated with me in '99 and smoke pot all day.......at least that's what I imagine. Boneheads.

Here's a link from ABC News.  You HAVE to watch this video.  Watch the guys doing the voices.  They look so stupid, especially the person who does Patrick.  And we're wondering if this study is accurate?  Look at them!!!!

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/spongebob-bad-kids-14506051

Here's the Word of the Day:

panache \puh-NASH; -NAHSH\, noun:

1. Dash or flamboyance in manner or style.
2. A plume or bunch of feathers, esp. such a bunch worn on the helmet; any military plume, or ornamental group of feathers.

Three Things

Don said over the weekend that there are three things I must do every day to feel normal now, and he is right.  I must blog, I must drink coffee, and I must work out.  We were laughing about it because I am like the old man in “UP”, the one who smells of prunes and denture cream (if you’ve seen the movie, you get it).  The older I get the more dependent I am on my routine, like a grandma.  I have to blog to manage my excessive talking and feed my soul, I have to drink coffee or I get massive headaches, and I have to work out or I am grouchy and feel terrible.  It’s sort of funny, but it's totally true. 

Let's be thankful that nothing bad happened in New York yesterday and that the families were able to visit the memorial and grieve without some psychopath succeeding in making a name for himself.  I'm sure that yesterday was a hard day for a lot of families, but at least now they have a place to pay tribute to the victims.  And isn't the memorial beautiful?  I am so happy that they kept the imprint of where the buildings once were.  I feel like I was on 9/11 overload, and I didn't even lose anyone that day.  The constant coverage and documentaries have given me bad dreams for a couple of nights now.  I think I'm going to watch "Sex and the City" to cheer me up.  There's nothing like Samantha to put a smile on your face. 

Did you see the news about "Spongebob Squarepants" being bad for your kids' brains and attention spans?  I have banned that stupid cartoon for years!  Don and I have told the kids that it makes them stupid and it turns out that we were right!  They always turn it on even though we don't allow it, but maybe now they'll listen!  I have tried to watch it and I don't understand what's going on most of the time.  I say things like "Why are they on the moon now, I thought they lived in the ocean?  Wait, where did the squirrel come from?  Why is Spongebob a rat now?"  I have tried to follow it, but I can't!  Now I know why I don't understand it-because I have a normal attention span!

Here’s the Word of the Day:

dilatory \DIL-uh-tor-ee\, adjective:
1. Tending to put off what ought to be done at once; given to procrastination.
2. Marked by procrastination or delay; intended to cause delay; -- said of actions or measures.

Never Forgotten, Forever Grateful

This is the BEST 9/11 commercial.  It makes me proud to be a State Farm customer.  I saw it around midnight last night.  I couldn't sleep and found myself watching the news, which led to nightmares.  I think that this commercial is perfect and says it all.

http://www.youtube.com/user/statefarm


Here's your Word of the Day:

elegiac \el-i-JAHY-uhk\, adjective:

1. Relating to the mourning or remembering of the dead.
2. Used in, suitable for, or resembling an elegy.
3. Expressing sorrow.

Me and Crusty

I have always thought that I stay pretty cool on the road even when others are acting like morons—and there are a lot of angry souls on the Atlanta roads; it’s really bad.  I get irritated, but I try not to act like everyone else, mainly because it doesn’t do any good and also because I don’t want to get into a wreck with my kids in the car.  I am definitely not what I would call laid-back in life because I tend to be dramatic and opinionated, but I do have a really long fuse and I typically don’t waste my energy on strangers.  I just laugh at rude people most of the time and it’s seemed to work for me so far.  I have enough stress in my life and I prefer to be a happy person—I don’t like getting stressed out about people I don’t even know.  Lately though, I have been getting so sick of blowing people off.  People are angry about everything lately and I am so sick and tired of people’s nasty attitudes— it’s getting harder to hold it in.  I realize that I am getting fed up either because of my age or because of how crazy and hectic my life is, but whatever the reason, I vow to not make confrontation a habit.  With that said,  I have to say that what I did last Saturday was liberating. 

 

Last Saturday I took Lindsey and Zach (Logan’s friend) to pick up the pizza.  I brought Carson and Dylan with me and Logan and Don stayed at home.  I know that you are wondering why Zach came with us and it’s because he likes Lindsey and he was following her around all weekend.  Anyway, after we picked up the pizza they wanted to get candy for the movie.  I told them that I wasn’t going to get the babies out of the car in the rain, but that I would give them money and they could run in.  Because it was raining I pulled up to the curb and let them out.  I sat there for maybe 10 seconds before this lady drove around me flailing her arms and yelling at me through the glass.  That was the straw that broke the camel’s back for some reason.  I had had it.  I didn’t do anything terrible; it wasn’t even that rude.  HOW hard is it to turn your steering wheel 4 degrees and press on the gas pedal to go around a car?  We are not talking rush hour traffic and we are not talking high speeds here; we are talking maneuvering a car in a parking lot.  I was so irritated with this old, crusty, bitter lady and I decided to tell her that she sucked, nicely.

You know what I did?  I pulled my mini-van through the parking lot and parked next to her.  I rolled down my window, leaned over to the passenger’s window and waited for her to get out of the car.  The conversation went something like this:

Me: “Excuse me.  I’m sorry.  Did you have a problem you’d like to talk with me about?”

Crusty:  “Well, you were sitting there and I was behind you.”

Me: “Well, every time that I pull into any grocery store, I usually see a car letting someone out.  It’s not a big deal.  I have two toddlers in the car, it’s raining, and I was dropping my daughter off so she wouldn’t get soaked.”

Crusty:  “I understand, but I was behind you.”

Me: “Everyone does it.  It isn’t a big deal.  What is the big deal?”

Crusty:  “OH!  So just because everyone else does it means that it’s ok?”

Me: “Are you a cop?”

She looked at me blankly and finally yelled “KISS MY A**!” at the top of her lungs in the parking lot of a  suburban grocery store. 

I yelled back “Ok, lady!  I’ll get right on it!  Sounds good!”

I can’t believe that I did that, but seriously—I felt like saying "Man up!  Stop cussing and flailing your arms in your car as if the metal will protect you and you’ll never see me again!  We were at the grocery store, not on I-75!   And all you could come up with was some stupid phrase, requesting me to kiss your butt?  How very disappointing you are.  I'll probably run into you at a PTA meeting one day, but I don't care....oh, no, I won't.  Your kids are probably my age, and yet you're acting like you're thirteen."  I didn't get to say all of that, but it would've been good, but mean, and then I would have felt guilty. 

Zach had to ask me a question and was coming toward my car as the lady was stomping away.  He said that he heard her call me an “F-ing B” and a "whore".  I’m not sure about this, but how in the world does my sexual history have to do with the situation?  HAHA!  She’s very clever and classy.  Notice that I never called her ONE name?  

I won’t ever act like that again because it didn't do any good.  I should not have done it.  I was just so irritated.  Clearly this lady is unhappy and I am sure that I only made her more unhappy, which isn't something that I like to do to people.  Besides, I am sure that she thinks I ride around doing stuff like that on a regular basis and that only confirmed in her mind that she was right.  I shouldn’t have done it because it is NOT what Jesus would’ve liked me to do and it didn't do justice to my normal personality.  I am sure that she told everyone all about the psycho that confronted her at the grocery store, which I have to say, is sort of funny.

There is one other time that I went off on someone a little bit and it was at the library of all places. I didn't feel guilty at all.  Logan and Lindsey used to “have to pee” like every five seconds just to check out the bathroom.  It sounds bizarre, but it turned into a power thing. Any time that they were bored and tired of being patient, they would say that they had to go.  You know what I am talking about, if you have kids.  I was in the midst of dealing with this little habit of theirs and I knew when they really had to go.  They had JUST gone at the last stop.  I was at the library for about ten minutes and the kids had been very well-behaved.  I was checking out my books and Lindsey was interrupting me and saying “I have to go” over and over and over again.  I was saying “Wait one minute and we’ll go on our way out.  You can wait one minute.”  I was trying to NOT raise a rude brat.  The librarian said very rudely “Maybe you should take her to the bathroom.”  My neck snapped back and I said “I’m sorry!  Was that you raising my child?  Mind your business.  I think I know how to raise my kid.  She isn’t going to pee on your floor!”  I took my books; I took her to the bathroom and couldn't believe that I had snapped at her like that.  It was instinctual and I hadn't even considered whether or not to say something.  It really made me mad because I never would have said that to someone, and I wasn’t being neglectful in any way.  I know my kid and I know what the situation is.  I don’t need some grouchy lady telling me to take my kid to the bathroom. 

Then there was the time that I stuck up for my sister..…..but we won’t talk about that one—right, Ash, Mom and Brea?  Ok, so maybe I run my mouth sometimes.  Don’t mess with a chick in a mini-van! 

Nothing like Vomit to Make You Feel Special

Because I was so timely and responsible and wrote Thursday’s post on Wednesday, I have to clear up that I am writing this on Thursday and posting it on Friday.   So when I talk about getting barfed on last night, I mean Wednesday night.  Got it?  Haha. 

Last night I went to the mall, ate leftovers when I got home, and got the kids ready for bed.  Cheerleading practice was cancelled and I was really excited about that.  That’s bad, isn’t it?   I got the boys snuggly and ready for bed and I decided to let them watch Sprout in our bed for a few minutes before we tucked them in.  So here we were, watching “The Bernstein Bears” and I noticed that they were dozing off, so I turned it to “Good Fellas” on AMC.  I’m right in the middle of watching Tommy get whacked for killing Billy Batts when Dylan suddenly rolled over and started shooting vomit ALL over my bed and all over my hair— I started screaming for Don.  I ran Dylan to the bathroom and he sprayed again like a fire extinguisher.  When people talk about exorcist-like vomit, this is exactly what they are talking about.  It was disgusting—poor Dylan.  And poor me!  It was in my hair!  Anyway, we stripped down and got into the shower and Don started wrapping up our sheets to take them down to the washer.  Carson was standing outside the bathroom door shouting “Mama!  Hot dog!” because that’s what Dylan had thrown up.  Sorry, it’s gross, but it’s funny that Carson was saying that.  So as we were getting clean, Don brought up a stack of towels and started laying them on top of the piles of vomit.  I was sort of chuckling because I totally knew that he wasn’t going to clean it up.  He was killing time until I got out of the shower and dressed.   Honestly, I was happy that he threw the sheets into the washer, so I just giggled to myself about the vomit-dodging.  As he covered the vomit methodically, it reminded me of Adam Sandler in “Big Daddy”.  Remember when he kept covering up the kid’s messes with newspaper?   Guys are so funny and ridiculous!  It’s moments like these when I wonder if I signed some kind of vomit and poop contract at the hospital while I was on pain-killers.  I think the contract says something like “All vomit, bowel movements, and mysterious bodily functions will be handled in their entirety by the mother, Brittany Chenault.  The father will automatically be exempt from participating in anything considered putrid and foul.” 

Seriously, moments like these make me realize that:

1.       I am very important.

2.       Men must have seriously sensitive noses and gag reflexes.

3.       If we died, there would be piles of newspaper all over the house.

4.       If we died, they would invite their mothers to move in, until they remarry.

5.       And I totally understand why men with small children remarry after losing their wives.

I know that I am being dark and sinister here, but isn’t it true?  It’s moments that include massive amounts of vomit that make me feel truly appreciated. 

The worst part of the whole situation is that Bo, Dylan’s best bear friend, was vomited on.  I had to wash him and Dylan kept saying “Mama, Bo?” And I kept reminding him that he had to find another fluffy friend since Bo had been hosed down with puke.  He really needed a bath anyway and I have been trying to sneak him off to the washer for days now and have been unsuccessful.  He slept with a bunny, but I don’t think that the ears felt the same on his nose because he kept tossing him onto the floor.  Don and I had to sleep on the couch, since our bed was no longer useable, and the boys slept on a pallet on the floor. 

So far, at the point that I am writing this, Dylan is feeling better.  But you never know what will happen once I hit “save”. 

Have a great day!  Hope I didn’t ruin your breakfast.  It's funny though, right?  Again, BEST birth control.  I think that once Lindsey and Logan are teenagers, I will whip out these blog entries and remind them of what having a child really looks like.

Change

I think that it is safe to say that at this point in time, people are frustrated with the government beyond a safe point.  What I mean by that is that I think people feel like no matter what they do and no matter whom they vote for, things will be the same—that’s a dangerous and helpless way to feel.  It’s dangerous because people will either do something crazy, or completely check-out.  I feel that politicians are like a pile of bruised fruit at the grocery store.  You need an apple for a recipe.  You pick up each apple, glare at it, and eventually go with the one with the fewest bruises.  They all taste rotten in your mouth.  For example, Obama was voted for on the premise that he would bring about change, but he’s left people pretty disappointed.  (I am basing this on what I hear others saying and the polls.) 

I have been thinking about that movie “Dave” starring Kevin Kline.  I realize that it’s just a movie, but the idea behind the script is great.  Dave looks identical to the president.  When the real president has a heart attack and is in a coma (he had it while having sex with some ho in the Oval Office), the administration hires Dave to fill in until the crappy president wakes up, keeping it a secret from the American people.  Dave changes policies that are morally wrong and even brings in his accountant to fix the government’s deficit.  I know, I know.  It’s just a movie, but it’s about changing what isn’t working and doing the right thing in the midst of bureaucracy.  It isn’t rocket science.   If things aren’t working, change them.  And maybe it really starts and ends with us.  There is too much bureaucracy and red tape for even the president to change things, even if he truly wants to.  Maybe we should bring in some Joe Schmoe that no one knows.  Maybe the guy has no political background, but he has a moral compass….not religious, but moral.  If we shout what we want enough, maybe we’ll be heard.  Electing some unknown would definitely get Washington’s attention!

I used to yell at people for not voting and then I would say “Fine.  If you aren’t going to vote, then you don’t get to bitch about anything.”  What a stupid thing to say.  Maybe I am the one who hasn’t realized until recently that my vote isn’t worth a damn and that the joke’s on me and my political science teacher.  If your choices are Liar #1, Liar # 2, or Liar # 3, well then maybe you just need not vote at all.  Rather than to contribute to the problem, maybe we should all just vote with our dollar instead of our useless ballot.  What I mean by this is that if we don’t like that the food industry is backed by a-holes in Washington and are not required to make farmers feed their cattle grass instead of corn (does this sound ridiculous to anyone else?) then we just need to buy grass-fed beef.  This is just an example.  Another would be not shopping at Walmart and instead ma and pa stores…..but it all depends on how sick of things we get.  These are just a couple of examples off the top of my head, and my point is that maybe our every day decisions count more than the one in November.  I really wish that I had a political science degree.  I took sociology and realize that the world isn’t fair, but I have no idea how to fix the atrocities. 

Maybe our leaders only suck because they have crappy choices too.  The world isn’t fair and it seems that where one benefits, another suffers.  Maybe our government does the best with what they have, but I highly doubt that’s the case all of the time.  A lot of them are selfish and narcissistic—their sex lives prove this.  I do know one thing…..if the whole world followed the Golden Rule, we wouldn’t have crappy choice A, B, and C.

When I was in sociology I learned about capitalism, socialism, and communism in their most perfect, idealistic states.  I thought that all of them sounded good.  You know why?  It’s because in their truest and most innocent forms, they are all good ideas.  Communism is so scary, but the model doesn’t sound scary.  The problem is that when you add human beings to any situation, the idea gets mucky.   People are selfish, conniving, evil, and therefore none of the models work the right way.  I know that all of you know this, but I just thought I would reiterate that the problem is people.  If everyone would use the Golden Rule, no matter what type of government, we’d all be happy. 

It is clear that I am venting.  I have no solutions.  Anyone know a good Joe Schmoe?

A few weeks ago my mom sent me a You Tube video of an angry man, ranting to the camera.  I can't remember who the guy is, but he said so many things that made sense, along with an F-bomb here and there.  He said "How can I tell my daughter that capitalism is awesome when we owe money to China?"  Then he says "China, B?  Yo, Obama, PAY YO BILLS!"  It was hilarious, but true.  I'll look for the link. If anyone wants to see it, email me.  I won't post it because I don't like to use the F word in my writing.  I may write the occasional bastard, crazy-ass, or hell, but I don't typically like to use bad language in my writing or in my blog and I don't want to post something like that.  Have you seen "Julie and Julia"? All she does is cuss in her blog and it's just awful writing.  And yet she's getting books published.....again, the world isn't fair.  Today you saw the extent of my cussing.  How many times did I say sucks, crappy, a-hole-yikes!  I should probably edit, but it's me....venting.

No Word of the Day because I am actually writing this on Wednesday and scheduling it for Thursday morning.  Have a great Thursday!  This has been a really short week, huh? Almost Friday!

Not Wednesday Again!

It's the dreaded Wednesday again, but the difference between today and other Wednesdays is that today I actually feel rested.  I used my 3-day weekend to do nothing, and when I say nothing I mean stay home and wash clothes.  I have had major allergy issues lately and all I do is run the kids around, so I don't even feel bad about doing nothing.  I needed to rest.  Yesterday I woke up and decided that I was going to chill at home with the little guys and try not to leave except for a second to drop  Lindsey off at dance; it was awesome.  I also had a bag under my eye from the drainage in my sinuses, so I thought that was a good reason to stay home.  So this Wednesday, I am sure, will be a lot easier than it usually is.

I feel like a mouse on a wheel sometimes, as I am sure all of us do.  There’s something wrong about living this way, and it would be even worse if I ate fast food every day (sometimes I am bad about this) and didn’t go to the gym.  We are all running on fumes and it’s just not normal!  When I get to the point where I shout “NO!  I will not go anywhere and I am not doing anything” at my kids, you know I that am exhausted.

I read "Goodnight Moon" to Carson last night.  He loves that book.  He says goodnight to all of the creatures and pieces of furniture, and he says "My book. Carson's book" and hugs it.  I tried to read to Dylan at the same time, but he wanted daddy to read to him.  They read "The Napping House", which is one of the funniest, cutest children's books ever written.  I love Don and Audrey Wood's books.  They were my favorite when I was little and they still are!   If you haven't read "King Bidgood's in the Bathtub", you are missing out! 

Hopefully today will be a good day!  Here’s your Word:

aplomb \uh-PLOM\, noun:

Assurance of manner or of action; self-possession; confidence; coolness.