The Idea of Copy

I have wanted to sit down and listen to Ryan Adam’s re-recording of Taylor Swift’s 1989 in its entirety and at 4 am thanks to insomnia, I got my chance.  Now, you don’t have to like either one of them to appreciate what I have to say, or you can like them both and hate what I say and that’s fine too; what I found most interesting about his re-recordings was his perspective and of course, the people hating on both of them for the project altogether.  This got me thinking about the idea of copy on a scale.  Ryan Adams taking every word and making something new is at one end of the spectrum, John Lennon observing violence, wanting peace and writing “Imagine” would be on the other. 

I see a lot of people do things simply to be unique and different.  They reject things because they aren’t unique enough.  They want to do something weird simply because they want to be different. And ironically, they become a group of people who are nothing unique and are all like each other. I guess I am wise enough at this age to know that if you simply like what you like and do what you want, you’re still not going to be the only person on earth to like what you like and do what you want….but you’ll be a true version of yourself and isn’t that the goal? 

I think that when people are uncomfortable with re-recordings, remakes, and the idea that everything is inspired by something, there are a couple of reasons why.  First of all, your medial pre-frontal cortex is actually tied to your music.  We simply become attached to the original and have our own love affair and experience with it.  Why would we want someone ruining that experience and relationship?  When you fall in love with a song, your senses are tied to it forever.  Ask any girl in her 30’s how she feels about a remake of Dirty Dancing.  She will have the same kneejerk reaction, which is to feel as if a remake will magically change the first.  Secondly, intellectually, the idea of copy is just uncomfortable.  I know for me, especially as a writer, when I sit in a movie theatre and see nothing but a string of trailers for movies that already exist, I get upset.  I think  “Have people just run out of ideas?  Is there nothing that hasn’t been done?  No story that hasn’t been told? Why are these people working as writers?”  Those thoughts are very stifling.  It’s also not a very rational one to think that just because copy exists that nothing new does.

The older I have gotten and the more I understand the world, the more I appreciate the process of creation, and that’s taking something, anything, and having a new perspective.  That makes the idea of  “copy” a little more tolerable.  (I still don’t want them to remake Dirty Dancing.) 

Everything that is created originally is in fact inspired by something else, be it a historical event, a place, a song, a feeling, the weather, a person….it’s a concoction, a storm, smatterings that come together to create a unique  perspective.  Even feelings are not unique, and thank God they aren’t or we would all feel alone.  Certain songs resonate with us, art, books, and that’s because there is something familiar about it, something that exists in it that also exists within us, which means it isn’t completely original.  The way it was created is what is original, and the twists and turns that it took to end up whatever it did, like something would in a chemistry lab. 

I remember writing a poem in yoga about a year ago (and what I mean by writing is that I had thoughts bouncing around in my head and they came together in a way that I could take home with me and then put on paper; I wasn’t literally writing on paper in Down Dog.)  I am me.  There is only one Brittany Chenault.  I was thinking something that led to something that led to something that led to something and I have no evidence that anyone has thought these thoughts in the exact order that I had them in the history of the world.  I used a vocabulary of words that I did not invent, but I placed them in an order that no one had.  I have had feelings that other people have also felt, but have never described them in the exact way I did.  And yet people read it and knew EXACTLY how I felt. 

Does the fact that everyone can identify with what you say, do, sing, or write take away from the originality of creating it?  Of course not.   So in reality, are we too easily offended by the idea that we are not original, and nothing in the world is original, and missing the fact that the only originality that truly exists is our experience with copy?

I think so.  There is so much more in the world to enjoy when you truly understand the idea of a muse or inspiration, or feeding off your senses and feelings and people around you. 

Listen to the link below. Then go listen to Taylor's.  The comparison of something identical doesn't actually make me feel like the world is getting smaller, it actually makes me feel like the world is huge, that the spectrum is infinite, and it brings me to my knees when I think about how God gave us art.  We can simply never get bored if we appreciate what’s been given to us….the process of creativity. 

Ryan Adam’s “I Wish You Would”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wvrFyukGGI

Chill, Don't Chase

Don't be this girl

I have been advising one of my friends lately about a guy she likes and it’s sparked me to write this because I think a lot of women could benefit from this advice, even though they have heard about it over and over.  (Myself included.)  “He’s just not that into you” is not a groundbreaking concept and yet we sometimes refuse to accept how simple it is.  We want to give men the benefit of the doubt when we start talking to them but it’s really such a stupid thing to do.  You can avoid a lot of problems and save a lot of time by avoiding men that aren’t interested from the get-go, but you have to do it early before you’re hooked, in the palm of their hands, and wind up with a broken heart.

This is a simple rule:

Don’t chase men, plain and simple. 

Men are easy to figure out for the most part.  If they aren’t texting you, move on because there is a reason they aren’t texting you.  It doesn’t matter what the reason is because it doesn’t concern you.  If they aren’t trying to see you, move on.  It doesn’t matter why they aren’t trying because it’s none of your business and it doesn’t measure your worth.  If they want to see you but only if you come to them, move on.  Screw that.  I mean, really???  You are expected to use YOUR gas money, rearrange YOUR schedule, go out of YOUR way…for what, a lazy little boy who can’t even commit to dinner???  No.  If they aren’t taking you out or calling you, move on.  Their actions are telling you what the end result will be and it will not end in your favor.  The guy could have 100 real reasons for stringing you along, but why do any of them matter to you?  Do the “reasons” change anything?  No.  And because there are so many girls doing the chasing nowadays, if they are lazy and spoiled, they have options that make it easy for them to never have to hunt or do anything and you are simply too difficult.  I don’t know about you, but I am not a slab of meat plopped in front of a zoo lion.  I am a lion running in the wild and I would rather be difficult than plop in front of someone.  Too much work?  Sorry about your luck.  And regarding the ones who are willing to hunt you, well, congratulations.  You found a man and in one swift move, you managed to separate him from the boys. 

Ask any man and he will tell you the following:

If a guy wants to see you, he will find a way.  Even men who know they don’t have a SHOT IN HELL will usually try.  Remember, this is the same gender that shouts at you from their cars in traffic and from gas stations and construction sites so why are we so willing to give them excuses when it favors what we want to believe?  If a guy is thinking about you, he’s texting and calling you.  If a guy wants to commit, he is going to commit.  If he is interested, he will show you.  If he doesn’t want someone else to have you, he won’t leave you alone and available.  There is no other explanation.  And if you are seeing him but you have to do all of the work, reevaluate that situation. You are a perfectly convenient situation for the present time.  It doesn't mean you will change him. 

Men also prefer a challenge, unless they're losers or lazy pieces of crap.  They are hunters and they don’t want something that falls into their lap.  (Neither do I, actually, so I understand the feeling.)  If we could all behave the same way with the guys we like as the ones we don’t, we would be a lot better off.  Remember this before you send that text because he ignored your last one! Ask yourself "Would I be inclined to do this with (insert the guy you don’t like)?"

I have been in one situation where I had to do everything and it did not end well, nor was it like me at all to alter myself to that degree, nor was it a good reflection of me, and I can guarantee that it will never happen again.  I stick to this philosophy and if you are vigilant and love yourself and value your time and your heart and your efforts, I promise that it will help to keep the lazy, confused, wishy-washy assholes out of your life…also, it's exhausting chasing little boys, isn't it?  Pointless and exhausting!

Here are the rules:

• Chill, don't chase.  Just calm down and let him come to you. If he doesn't, you got your answer. 
• Do not text or call him when he is random, spacey, disappears, and then comes back around when he feel like it.  
• Set your own terms.  
• Do not rearrange your schedule at the drop of a hat when he does nothing to plan ahead. 
• Don't ask him out and constantly run around like a crazy person trying to see him.   
• Don't put in the effort when he is not. 
• Put it out there and see what he does...and listen to what he says. 

A guy once said to me “I don’t chase, you'll have to chase me.” 

My answer was “Then I guess we won’t be seeing much of each other.”

It’s legit.  Try it. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piGl_Vfcfi4

Karma Fell Asleep

Yesterday morning I was driving down a long, somewhat country road and I saw a cop hiding.  I do realize it’s illegal to warn people that there is a cop by flashing your headlights, but you are also talking to a girl whose insurance just went from $92 to $204 a month because of one stupid speeding ticket received in ATLANTA, where everyone speeds all the time anyway and honestly, I can’t even talk about it because I GET SO MAD!   I didn’t even get points on my license!  It’s not like I got a DUI.  I got a speeding ticket.  So whatever.  But on with my story….I warned everyone about the cop hiding in the distance behind me and I reached my destination.  I had to pick something up, so it literally took 30 seconds, and I turned around and went the way I came.  I knew that the cop was there, so I was going the speed limit, of course. 

This guy came up behind me and was riding my bumper and honking at me because I wouldn’t speed up.  He was seriously maybe a foot away from touching my car.  I couldn’t even step on my brakes to make a point or he would have hit me.  I sped up a little and did what anyone who wanted to see an asshole pay for being an asshole would have done....I pulled over on the side of the road and let him pass me.  

Ha ha ha ha haaaaaa!  

Unfortunately he didn't get pulled over because he pulled into the neighborhood right in front of the cop.  I was totally bummed that my schemes didn't work, but I am even more bummed that my story was totally ruined.  

My Heart, The Dumbass

Nora Ephron once said that the worst cynics are actually the worst romantics.  In order to become so scarred or disappointed or burned, you had to have believed wholeheartedly in something to begin with, maybe more so than others.  I am one of those people. Hopeless. 

I am a cynic because my brain knows better.

I am a romantic because my heart is a wild little thing.

And my heart wins every time because she is a dumbass.

Last night one of my guy friends told me that he really likes someone.  He hasn’t liked a girl in about 4 years.  No one has inspired these feelings and every day has been like Groundhog Day (I reminded him that Groundhog Day is way worse than heartache) but he’s still very scared he will get hurt.  He asked me if the possibility of getting hurt is worth it.  My brain hated my answer when my heart answered "Hell Yeah."  And she went on.  "Every moment you spend skin to skin with someone you’re crazy about is worth every tear.  Because being in love freakin’ rocks.  Am I wrong?"  

Who doesn’t love a little love coke?

One butterfly in your stomach is worth the risk of tears.  Someone holding your heart in their hands for a period of time is so much more interesting than guarding it yourself in a cage for all of eternity.  Being on a windy beach at night, curled into someone who smells perfect to you, getting your hair caught in your lip gloss and not caring….I mean, is there a question of whether you go with it or not? No, of course not.  Shut up, brain.  

My poker face isn't nearly as cute as the one who is lost and in love and my heart is so much more charming than my brain.  Isn’t yours?

35

I turned 35 on the 5th and I was going to write about it, but I honestly didn't want it to be a thing. But it's a thing. I don't want it to be a thing, but waking up in the middle of the night thinking about your life and what you're doing and where you're going simply because you're a certain number, that's what I call a thing.

In some ways I would say I'm more childish now that I don't have to constantly pretend to be an adult like when I was younger. But then again, I'm so much wiser now than I ever was and that part really can't be faked because I had to live through a lot to get here.  That part makes me feel 35. 

I look at my kids, the ones in high school, the ones who are causing me all of these issues in the middle of the night, and I just don't understand how I'm here with them. I feel like I was such a child when I had them but at some point while I was pretending to be an adult, I actually became one. Now all of a sudden, I do know better than they know and they roll their eyes at me and curse my existence as an "old person." And my babies, Carson and Dylan, how can they be old enough that I can say "I don't have babies anymore?" How can that part of my life be over? And how can I be old enough to not be able to donate my eggs to someone else in need? That's f***ed up. 

I'm fine alone. I like being alone. Maybe it's because I have so many kids. But how could I have experienced so much chaos in my life already that I'm rejecting the idea of a man coming into it? How can I be old enough to be scarred in so many ways romantically, to the point that I know I'm better off by myself? And then know that the statement I just made is BS but kind of not? How can I be old enough to be that cynical and so stingy with my time? Did I really experience enough heartbreak and become annoyed enough over the years that I can never experience loneliness because being alone is the better option of the two? Apparently, because I don't. How can I be old enough to sit in a quiet space, alone, and not feel alone? I must have traveled quite a road....and I am old enough to have done it now. That's f***ed up. 

I was telling my younger cousin a couple of weeks ago that I feel like this is the first time in my life where I'm just maintaining and improving where I am and it's weird. I told her I was kind of feeling weird about turning 35 and how I knew at 45, I would say "why was I upset about being 35?" But that it doesn't matter because I am 35....she asked me why I would be upset about it since I have accomplished so much.  Well, I did ask myself that question. Do you always think about all of the other things you were going to do and didn't, regardless of what you've accomplished? I can say, I've never been at a place in my life where I feel like my milestones no longer have to do with me, but they're about my kids because I've never been this age and had children so old, which sounds so simplistic but doesn't feel it. And that's great. I will enjoy watching my kids experience life, but how am I not working toward those things myself now? How did this happen? You know, like I'm not earning a degree because I got mine. Or having babies, because I had 4. Or getting married, because that's another story. It's just an odd feeling knowing that the next time I visit a college campus, it'll be for my kids.....in 4 years. That's f***ed up. 

I still have a lot of child in me. The silly spirit that I'm not trying to hide by parading around as an adult is even more apparent to me now....so again, why am I waking up thinking about this number? That's f***ed up. 

10 Things To Know Before You Date a Writer

Someone once said that if a writer doesn’t write about you, they aren’t in love with you.  It’s true.  Additionally, if a writer falls in love with you, you can never die.  Also true. 

I don’t publish my poetry (usually) and I don’t publish my fiction and the reason why I don’t is very simple.  It’s because I can’t sit down and finish any of it because I jump all over the place between projects.  SQUIRREL!  The only things that I have published officially have been my blogs and news stories for newspapers when I was younger.  Because I don’t slap FICTION on what I do publish, the result is that most of it is extremely personal and is no doubt like a window into my soul.  Even if what I write about myself isn’t a true reflection of who I am because I am too hard on myself, too easy on myself, because it’s simply how I am feeling in the moment or because I am working through a phase, even if what I write isn’t how others see me, it’s always a true reflection of how I am feeling, regardless.  I have always wondered how the person on the other end of my feelings feels when I write and I am sure that it depends on what I am saying.  To be the one who inspired me to feel deeply enough to write and then share can’t be an easy place to be.

But it’s forever a special place to be, nevertheless. 

When I was in high school, a boy wrote a song about my green eyes and I freaked out.  I wanted to crawl into a hole, not because I wasn’t flattered and not because it wasn’t good, but it was because I knew what he was feeling and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to inspire him in that way.  On another occasion, I read a poem that described me and rather than it feeding my ego, I was unnerved.  I am used to being the observer. I am comfortable seeing art, not being the subject. 

I have never dated a writer, probably because I know what we are like and although we might not all be this way, the creative writers I have known and the ones who taught me in school, well, read on.....here is my list of reasons that you shouldn’t should date one at least once..... 

1.    They will write about you. It's nothing personal.  It's just not avoidable.  Don't date one if you can't handle it. And if you get off on it, then you're a keeper.  We feed off the people around us, especially our romantic relationships.  Sometimes a character is based on a stranger on a bus, but our deeper connections will always be reflected in our work whether it’s fiction or nonfiction.  If you don’t inspire us, there is something truly wrong and the connection isn’t there. 

2.    We want you to read what we write.  You don’t have to like it, but good or bad, we want you to read our stuff because it’s who we are.  If you don’t read what we write, we internalize that and can't understand it. 

3.    We will observe you in beautiful ways that no one else can.  When you wake up in the morning with your hair sticking up, we see you as a perfect work of art.  And we can articulate it.  

4.    You will be analyzed.  If you aren’t ready to see yourself or self-reflect, then don’t date a writer because you’ll pretty much be forced to look at what we see, simply because we write what we see.  All we do is reflect, dissect, pour onto paper and repeat.

5.    We are passionate.  Creative people just are.  They will play with you, exhaust you, energize you, dance with you, lay with you, and then write about it….

6.    We forget nothing. We have the ability to remember exactly the way your lips curled when you smiled that one time you said that, the way you taste and smell, what your arms felt like when we were crying, and every word you’ve ever said to us.  Like ever.  We thrive on the butterflies and even the pain, so whatever you’ve caused will eventually turn into a flow of words. They may be published or hidden in a drawer, but they are out there somewhere.

7.    We forget everything. We let our insurance lapse because we got a new debit card, we run out of gas, we lose track of time, we drive off with the gas pump still attached to the car.  You will definitely need to remind us to get an oil change and we will have alarms on our phone most likely for everything.

8.    We are a little crazy, but in a really cool way. We cycle and spike and go through creative lulls and highs and that’s just the way we are.  Balancing it is hard for us and we sometimes feel manic. 

9.    We get wound up in our own thoughts and need space.  Even as outgoing as I am, I have to have space and quiet time to soak in and sort through all of the stimuli around me or I will go insane.  Because we pull from the environment and think so much all the time, it can feel very overwhelming if you can’t dump it somewhere…that’s what the paper is for.

10.  We don’t like being bored. Maybe I am speaking for creative people in general, but Groundhog Day is like the worst thing ever.  A boring kiss is the kiss of death.  And sitting around being dull will get you a swift kick out the door.  So if you’re boring, you’re probably not going to make it with a writer. Self-stimulation is a very real thing and we will do it even if you aren't involved just because we are trying to survive.

The Click

There is a phenomenon I experience that I like to call "The Click."  It's basically occurs when all analyzing, emotions, events, and current circumstances have come together like a puzzle and feels like a lightening bolt when the last piece of the puzzle is finally connected to the rest in place. You wake up.  Something resonates.  You are done.  The Click feels sudden, heartless, and cold, but in reality, it isn't.  The Click is the exit strategy and result of someone who is entirely too patient in relationships or too stubborn to see what they should.  I am both patient and stubborn.  Bad mix.  

I have a love/hate relationship with The Click.  

I first experienced The Click in high school.  I put up with a bunch of crap from a boyfriend and then one day on the phone I said "No, I'm done."  Whatever he had done hadn't been different than anything prior, but for some reason, that one thing was enough for me to never feel an emotion again.  He cried on the phone and I hung up because I didn't care.  I never talked to him again.  My second boyfriend lost me at a train station.  He drove me to the station, cussing at me the entire time, and I sat there being quiet.  He had cussed many times before, but that was the last time I listened to it and I can't tell anyone what it was about that moment that was any different, except CLICK.  As soon as the car stopped, I unclicked my seatbelt as quickly as I unclicked my heart.  I walked over to the pay phone, calmly told my mom I was coming home to her after school, and I never came back to see him.  I went to school that day, I didn't cry, I felt absolutely nothing at all.  I went about my business, and that was that.  When I did go back for my stuff, he was on his knees crying, and I couldn't muster anything.  I looked cold, vacant, and I couldn't have cared about him if I had wanted to.  The pattern has continued....

The most frustrating thing about The Click is that I have experienced it enough to warn the people I love  that I am like this, and still no one has taken it seriously.  When you are a person who is just "done one day," it is very frustrating to see someone beg you once you're done and gone because then it's too late.  Nothing is worse than indifference because that means the love is dead.  Anais Nin says "Love never dies a natural death.  It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source."  And when my hope in someone is gone, I move on. 

The Click has become such a pattern for me that it has served as both a peaceful reminder when I am in tears and in love and miserable because I know one day it will save me, but it has also scared me because it seems to me to be inevitable and always feels so sudden.  It serves as peace for my family and friends  who are begging me to fall out of love because anyone who knows me knows that I seem to have to overplay something like a song that just has to become old and boring for me to finally turn it off. 

Why must I be like Scarlett O'Hara who finally gets it at the end?  I don't want to be someone who gets it too late, when I have given too much, lost too much, wasted too much time, shed too many tears, gambled too high and risked too much....

Am I a slow learner emotionally?  Unbelievably stubborn?  Too true to my heart and emotions?  Am I overly patient?  Do I actually think I can fix people?  Why does my puzzle have to have so many pieces?  And why can't I leave a puzzle until it's completed? 

I don't want to be always waiting for that last puzzle piece before I start seeing the big picture.  

CLICK.