Aristotle on Anger

"Anybody can become angry -that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way-that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."-Aristotle

You know why I love reading Greek philosophers?  Because, like the Bible, it reminds me that our problems aren't really different at the core.  Our environment has changed, but humans are still the same.  We are a remarkable species and yet if I read Euripides and Aristotle, I realize HOW freaking STUPID we are.  We can blame technology, porn, politicians, but the problem is humans.  I realize I am not saying anything new or groundbreaking, but I do like this quote and I will quickly get back on task.....

What Aristotle says is so true, and there is a great deal of power in this quote. An immature person lashes out on those who don't deserve it, and even worse, sometimes takes it out on those who love them the most.  Who listens to a person like that?  I don't, and I don't respect them.  Timing is also important to consider.  Even if you direct your anger at the right person and you are "right", you won't achieve a thing if you don't slow down and think about things first.  Taking a step back allows you to be less emotional and more logical, and from there, you can better direct it at the deserved source.  Everyone becomes angry, even those with a long fuse, and the only thing that matters is how you deal with it.  You can throw your hands up and scream at the world, at your car, at your president, your kids, your husband, the guy in front of you on the road, but where is it getting you?  There are times where I have thought "Yeah, I shouldn't have yelled at my mom.  I was really mean" and there are times where I know exactly who and what was done to me, I breathe and think about what I am going to say, and you know what?  It feels so good to handle things that way.

I guess this quote kind of stems from what I was talking about yesterday.  I didn't sleep well and I was thinking about the events of yesterday.  I was thinking about what makes a fighter strong, and this is definitely something people need to learn.  I am not easily angered, but I can be a total girl about something when I am upset....I guess it depends on how much I care about an issue.  If I know logically that you are retarded and I don't care much about what you are saying, I can come off cool and aloof.  If you are attacking someone I love, well, I may go to jail.  I guess the idea is to react pretty much the same in every situation.

I will never forget getting thrown out of Honors English my senior year.  The teacher grabbed my books and my bag and didn't say a word.  He had A SMILE on his face and when he got to the door, he threw my stuff into the hall and said "You can come back when you can grow up!"  He didn't scream, but he was chilling. And I have never forgotten how effective that was.  I stood there with my mouth dropped open.  I also wasn't sure if I could grow up, so I didn't bother going back into class.  In fact, I think I dropped the class and went to the NON-honors class because I was dead set on staying immature.

I have mentioned this before, and it's true.....if you want to PISS SOMEONE OFF, be calm and collected and think first.  Think before reacting, for you, and I promise that it actually makes people even more angry and they act even more foolish.  By the time they are done acting like jungle animals, you've already won.  No need to state your case, they already hung themselves.  Of course, I have been on both sides, like we all probably have. More importantly than "pissing someone off", which really shouldn't be a leader's goal, is to teach someone how they should be.  I think about the people who have taught me to respect....they have never lashed out on me.  I remember and look up to people who were patient with me when they could have lost it, and I remember the moments when someone was irrational and hateful toward me.  That didn't do me any good, nor did it do them any good.  When I am patient and logical with my children, I see the best reaction.  When I lose my temper, I feel bad and know that I did not teach them the correct lesson.

Anyway, gotta get to the gym....have a great day.  Next time that guy cuts you off, drive up and smile at him.  I've done that.  It really freaks people out.  HA HA. 

Corruption

I am really scared to publish this, but I have to.

I saw corruption today.  There was no rubbing my eyes and hoping to erase the reality, because I knew I couldn't.  I saw corruption, and if I were looking for an animal analogy, I would say that I saw rats.  Rats save themselves and will do whatever they can to survive, they'll even live in crap and gutters, so long as they're alive to pollute the rest of the world. I saw corruption today with my own eyes, and although I feel a little less innocent, my mind is clearer.  We're all sinners, but there are those who are so evil, they revel in it.  They don't know how to survive without being corrupt because they are trapped in their own cesspool of filth, with a conscience so warped that they are incapable of ever turning back.  Trapped in a system of disgust, they rot....and the rest of us are left to fight them.  The saddest thing I realized?  We won't always win.  But God will, one day; he creates some people to become fighters here on Earth, and we all fight in different ways.

My church has been talking about sin versus mistakes.  The message is this: Mistakes happen without intent.  Sins happen with full knowledge; you mean to do it.  There are sins you just commit once, and there are sins that you continually commit, knowing the possible circumstances.  Either way, we don't like the word "SIN", so we call them "MISTAKES".  Another part of the lesson was this: Stop hating yourself, because the Lamb of God carted your sin and took it away. I was thinking about this in church this past weekend and I heard a little voice say "You're focusing on yourself too much.  Turn it outward."  Give to others, is what I thought.  And I am right.  I am focusing too much on figuring out what's wrong with me and I am fighting myself; I am not fighting the right people.  I am not saving the right people, and I am not fighting the right people.  I need to take this passion within me and do something with it.  One of my girlfriends asked me a few weeks ago "Have you ever wondered if you are a huge threat to the devil?  You have a huge personality and a big mouth."  It made me giggle, but I have seriously been considering that a lot lately.  I have been thinking about where my influence is going and whether or not I need to redirect it, in fact, I am wondering if I am being commanded to do so. 

I truly am afraid to publish this, but I am going to anyway, because I need to.  I have had fears that if people know this, they will take advantage of it.  I have also had fears that people will forget that I am also very confident and driven.  Anyway, maybe it will inspire you, maybe not.  Either way, I have to let it out.  It's 100% the truth, and it's something that I haven't been willing to admit to myself. 

I am guilty of hatred, toward myself.  I don't hate anyone.  I truly don't hate anyone, but I beat myself up constantly.  Maybe I am such a narcissist I am only capable of hating myself, I don't know....but I don't hate one person on this planet.  In fact, I have wondered why I am so forgiving of others.  Not only am I forgiving, I continue to go back for more abuse.  Maybe it's not because I am that good and truly forgiving, but instead because I am too busy blaming myself for what they did to me instead.  When you hear me say that someone did something to me, when the lights go out and I lay in my bed, I wonder what I did wrong.  This is honest to God, the truth, so if there's anyone out there thinking "Brittany has no conscience; Brittany thinks she's so perfect," rest assured, you are wrong.  Don't bother hating me.  I have already beat you.  I have wanted to scrape away parts of myself and ignore the root of where they come from.  I have wanted to be submissive because I am afraid of my own self-control.  I have wanted to ignore the feisty parts of my personality because it scares me not to be meek like a Bible character.  There are too many things that I cannot describe, but what you can take with you is that I have done a lot of self-loathing and allowed a lot of people to mistreat me because I think I deserve it.  I don't know where it comes from exactly, but it's the deep-throated voice that rings in my head nearly every day of my life.  It's the voice that tells me I am a fraud when someone tells me I am good because I think I am bad. It's the voice telling me that I am fat when I am a size zero.  It's the voice telling me that I am not ever going to get better than what I have, because I don't deserve it.  It's the voice telling me that if I ask for more for myself, I am stuck-up.  It's the voice that scares me out of being myself because I am complicated, difficult, and too opinionated.  It's the voice that tells me I did something to deserve being physically mistreated in more than one way, and to continue to seek the wrong people in my life.  It's the voice that tells me to run when I am uncomfortable.  I originally listed a lot of specific examples, but I erased them because I am not ready to be that open about just how far I have gone to make other people happy while crying inside and blowing up later. 

Luckily, I have learned, most of the time, to ignore these negative thoughts, but it is still a constant struggle and I have not learned completely that I am worth so much more than I have asked for.  I am starting to realize that God gave me certain traits and as difficult as they are to navigate, I am supposed to use them for him.  I am most definitely God's creation, with some Earthly bruises, and the truth is, God has a purpose for us all.  Maybe when I stop fighting who I am, that is when I will live to my full potential.   

So why am I writing this?  Bottom line, I am a fighter, and I have been fighting the wrong person. You remember how I said I saw corruption today?  Well, I am pissed and this wrath I have for myself?  Yeah, it's being wasted.  From this day forward, I am fighting the right people....without hesitation.  I am angry and I believe that God gave me a will to fight people who are corrupt.  I am opinionated, I am tough, and all of this energy that's going full throttle toward my direction, I can't imagine what it would do to someone who deserves it.  I am not afraid of people if they are attacking someone else, so all I need to do is treat myself with the respect that I would show someone else.  I learned a big lesson today.

Harlem-New Politics

My daughter and I always dance when this song comes on.  I have to say though....watch the video. Does the guy look like a douche?  Or is it just me? Also, I kept expecting Sprite cans or Skittles to pop out.

Anyway, Sprite commercial or not, I kinda wanna shake it like a bad girl up in Harlem.

http://m.vevo.com/watch/new-politics/harlem-official-video/USRV81300019?playonmobile=true

Black Cat

I know that I usually do Flashback Friday, but I'm not today. Well, technically I guess I am, because this happened yesterday.

I know the cat looks evil in the picture, but it was harmless!

I was walking with my friend, Melissa, down Towne Lake Parkway. The cars were rushing by us, creating a breeze and roaring loudly. I heard a little noise. I stopped Melissa.  A tiny kitten was meowing from somewhere. I followed the noise. I searched through the tree and there he was, a little black kitty cat.  He looked so scared. I was scared of his claws even though he looked so innocent and harmless, so I pulled the branches back and Melissa pulled him out and gave him to me. He was a sweet little baby. I put him down, but he didn't know where to go. He seemed jolted by the loud noise of the cars, but he walked to the bushes, away from the road. I started to leave him. He meowed and popped out of the bush and began following me. So I picked him up and put him in the basket of Melissa's stroller. I decided that I couldn't leave him or he would get hit by a car. He hopped out of the basket further down the road and went back to the woods, leaving me again. Melissa told me he would be fine, but I kept turning around. He disappeared into the shrubs once again. Then I heard him meowing again as I walked away, so I turned around. The indecisive cat was chasing me again. He wanted me to pick him up. So what did I do? I picked him up once again.  I was carrying him down Towne Lake Parkway for a while, petting him and speaking softly to him, and trust me, I had no plan. I don't really need a cat, but the cat needed me.  The cat wanted down again. I put him down and let him walk away from me. I waited a while, making sure that I could leave him near a busy street in good conscience, and he looked like he was going to be safe in the woods. So I walked away.

I have a really hard time leaving things that may need me. Every time the cat meowed, I didn't even hesitate to turn around and pick him back up. He seemed like he wanted to be my cat, and I guess I never turn anything away. I hope he's okay and that he allows someone to take him home.

Tired but Happy

I love my freaking job.

Yep. That's all I have to say.

Top 10-Reasons I Don't Have Tattoos

I am writing a book about moms with tattoos.  It's going to be awesome if I can execute it.  I asked a bunch of mothers last week (and will continue with my research) questions about having tattoos, since I don't have any.  And you have to understand, I like them on other people and think they're cool, they just aren't for me.  There are a few reasons why:

1. Because I am boring.
2. Because I have commitment issues to inanimate objects, especially things attached to my body.  (I don't know if I can consider tattoos inanimate objects or not, but I just did.)  Tattoos are as permanent as catching an STD, except some STD's go away.  Ok, tattoos are more forever than most STD's.  Yes, I have a problem with the permanence of this.  You just watched me think out loud, by the way. 
3. This goes with Number 2....I constantly change.  What I like today, I may hate tomorrow.
4. It will wrinkle up and look like some some squashed version of whatever it is.
5. Because when people ask if I have them, I like to say something hot to cover up the fact that I am boring.  I like to say "No, no tattoos, just skin.  Just clean, white, wet, slippery skin."  Ok, I never say all of that in a sentence. 
6. It seems painful, and therefore I would probably wind up with 17 dots resembling nothing.  I would look like I had just lost in a ballpoint pen fight.
7. I always do things last.  I will probably get one when I am 95 and about to die.  Look at Facebook.  I didn't join for like 7 years and that was only once I realized that no one was interested in emailing me.
8. What if I wind up one of those addicts?  I could end up with Tiger stripes on my face and whiskers surgically embedded in my cheeks.
9. I would probably choose the equivalent of a 1999 Butterfly Tramp Stamp, because I would never get anything unique...and why?  Tats are just not for me.
10. I would regret it.  I know I would.  And if I didn't, I would be used to it and never pay attention to it, and then what is the point of getting something you ignore every day?

Should Love Be Conditional?

I have heard and I believe that solitude is a blessing, which is why on my weekends without the kids, I try to spend quite a bit of time alone. It was easy to do so this weekend, since I sprained my ankle on Saturday. I watched movies, took naps, and read books.

It really isn't natural for me to be by myself because I tend to be such a social creature, but maybe that's why it's so important for me to be alone sometimes. Maybe I tolerate noise because I am so noisy. To sit and be quiet with God, that's the moment when you hear him the most, and sometimes it's also when you feel how raw your pain is or you have to sit and deal with crap....you can't find loud enough disturbances to distract you, so you hear your fears and your hopes and what you want and don't want. And aren't these the things you should take to God? I am often driven to distraction and don't like to sit with the uncomfortableness of processing awful feelings. I have had a lot to process this year, and I think I am ready to move on. Plus, you always feel refreshed and focused when you accept this quiet time.

I finally watched "The Perks of Being a Wallflower"; good movie if you haven't seen it. Between that and a few other movies that I watched, I realize that I have found an issue that I am just not sure if I have the answer.....

One of the characters in the movie asks "Why do good people choose the wrong people to love?" And the other character says "People accept the love they think they deserve."

Ok, so I see this. I really do, but part of me wonders if it's a crock of crap. If you believe that you don't deserve any better than a person who treats you like crap, ok, then I guess you won't take anything else better even if it's in front of you.  But if that were true, then wouldn't the "crappy" person never wind up with the "good" one?  If this statement is true, then who are we talking about? Certainly we aren't calling the wrong people "Bad", right?  Doesn't everyone deserve love?  If you are with someone who treats you crappy, then are you suppressing the fact that you think you don't really deserve any better? And how do you know? Maybe it's something else.....

Here's where I am confused....I don't love to get things back, and I certainly haven't expected to be in a relationship with a person exactly like me. Isn't that the way it should be? I guess I messed up when I was younger by deciding to love the people who needed love the most. I guess I screwed up when I loved people who maybe really didn't believe that they deserved to be loved. And maybe someone would tell me that I don't think I deserve to be loved. Well, maybe I don't and I am not acknowledging this fact.  Or maybe I have felt like the kind of love I have for someone would be best used on someone who, sadly, can't treat me correctly.  I am loving and it's not conditional. If it were conditional, I would never have loved the people I have loved, because I don't feel like I have ever been treated how I have deserved to be treated. Jesus taught us to love everyone, so if you fall in love with someone you should because they are just as good as you, then aren't you loving to get back what you give? I don't understand that kind of love I guess. Which is maybe why I always love the wrong people.

I guess there are a lot of people in my life where I could say it was a waste to love them, but I won't, because I don't believe that. It's never a waste to love someone, and when you are hurt, you pick yourself up and move on.  I have learned a lesson from every person I have loved, and who cares if you don't get loved back.  You loved someone and you learned something about yourself.  I won't lie, it would be nice if I could love someone capable of loving me.

Did God make me this way, or did someone break me? I don't know.  What I do know is this....it isn't in my nature to be alone, and I really believe that it's because God made me so capable of loving, but I think right now I am supposed to love myself and my kids unconditionally.  Solitude is a blessing.  And I am listening to God.