Pray for Monkey

As many of you know, Carson has to have surgery on his leg again.  The doctor thinks that he can get the rest of the birthmark removed this time, which would be wonderful because he wouldn’t have to go through this pain a third time.  His surgery is Monday morning, so please keep our little Monkey in your thoughts and prayers.  He will not be allowed to walk for three weeks, so pray for me while you’re at it.  It was difficult last April, although, I did find out just how intelligent and obedient Carson really is.  He never once attempted to walk on his leg because he understood that it was a “boo-boo” and that the doctor didn’t want him to.  It was mainly difficult for me because Dylan wanted to be held as much as Carson and it was just really hard balancing everything 24/7.  Eventually, we started rolling Carson around in a little umbrella stroller and that eased some of the tension in my back. 

Anyway, this little guy means the world to me and it breaks my heart that he has to go through this again.  If you could pray for him and the doctor, I would greatly appreciate it.  Below is a picture of Carson in his Halloween costume for this year.  I can’t remember if I wrote about this or not, but he wanted to be a monkey AGAIN, so I bought it for him.  He was a monkey two years ago, of course, he doesn't remember that.  He is obsessed with monkeys because that's his nickname.  He was like a little monkey, hanging on his mama from the second that he was born.  Carson even had his eyes wide open and was staring at me when the doctors brought him over to me; it was somewhat startling.  It was love at first sight!  He definitely loves his mommy.  Anyway, he loves “Konkey George,” his favorite book is called “Monkey Jamboree” and he makes me read it at least 5 times a day.   After this picture was taken, he refused to take the costume off.  I had to hide it because it is the only clothing he wanted to wear.  He has always liked to choose his clothes.  I was going to Publix the night that this picture was taken and I said "You can't go in the costume.  If you want to go with me, you have to change."  He said "Konkey clothes."  I got a shirt with a monkey on it.  That was good enough and he finally changed. 

I can’t remember if I wrote about what Dylan is going to be for Halloween.  I bought a one-eyed monster costume for him.  He refuses to wear it because “It’s mean.”  We’ll see if I can get him used to it before the 31st. 

Here is the Word of the Day:

Lamaism (n)
The Mahayana Buddhism of Tibet and Mongolia marked by tantric and Shamanistic ritual and dominant hierarchical monasticism.  (Great definition, right?  It came from my "Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary" that looks ragged and old.  It smells like mildew, I love it.)

Best Way to Win an Argument

Have you ever noticed that people on TV and in movies have the most sensitive stomachs?  They barf at the most convenient and dramatic moments.  In TV Land, emotion is so raw that it makes you physically ill precisely the moment that you feel something other than happiness.  Just imagine—you are walking around all joyful, enjoying a scone and coffee, when suddenly your significant other says something that upsets you, and an instant, you barf!

You would never lose a fight if you could vomit on cue.    It is the best way to win an argument!

“You spend too much money on shoes.”  BARF.

“Your brother's a douchebag.” BARF.

“Your lasagna sucks." BARF.

Case closed, you win.

The reason that I am talking about this most random topic is because I was just watching an episode of “Sex and the City”.  I think it’s called “Just Say Yes” or something like that.  It’s the one where Carrie sees the disgusting, marquise diamond with a gold band while Aiden is singing in the shower.  This ring is every woman’s worst nightmare so I can understand her being upset, but she looks at it and throws up.  Seeing blood and guts, fine, throw up.  Seeing a piece of hideous jewelry my dog would refuse to wear?  Break up with the poor bastard and go get a sandwich.    

She sneaks, She sees, She pukes.

A couple of weeks ago I caught another episode on E!.  (I have seen them all, but I constantly re-watch them.)  Carrie runs into Big at that stupid, hoedown party in the Hamptons.  He is with the tall idiot, Natasha, who writes “Wish I could have been their” instead of “there”.  Remember her?  Anyway, Carrie runs out to the beach and says to Miranda “I saw Big and he’s with his new girlfriend.  She’s 25.”  As soon as the number “25” slips off of her lips, so does the puke.  It’s ridiculous.  I love the writers of this show, but seriously, it’s so awful that they wrote in the puke-fests.  Carrie is this strong and confident character, yet she pukes when she thinks of her ex-boyfriend with someone younger!  I hate her vomiting impulses.  They're so stupid!

Right after she throws up. 
"What will I do?  I'm old!  Oh, just kill me, Miranda!"

I think I am going to try this with Don! 

“Britt, can you please not talk so much?”  BARF.  I’m a shoo-in.

The Word of the Day is below.  I decided to use "shoo-in" because people always get this one wrong.  It makes sense that people assume it is "shoe in" like "a shoe in the door, sure to win."  That is not correct.  "Shoo-in" is the proper spelling.  The word originally meant "a horse that was meant to win" not because it was talented, but because the race was fixed.  The horse is no good, so it has to be "shooed in to win."  I think it originated in the 30's.

shoo-in

1. a person or thing that is certain to win or succeed

2. a match or contest that is easy to win

No More Crazy Wednesdays!

Wednesday afternoons used to look like this:


Between 1:30 and 3:00-Babies fall asleep
3:20-Lindsey and Logan get off the bus, Lindsey gets ready for dance....also have to put her hair in a bun
4:00- Grant and Hanna get off the bus (These are the kids I watch after school)
4:00-4:45-Lindsey has dance (Babies are always asleep and I have to wake them up and throw them in the car. Have to take Lindsey EARLY so I could be back to the house in time for Grant and Hanna to get off the bus at 4:00.  45 minutes later, have to turn right back around with ALL of the kids to get Lindsey from the studio.)
5:00-5:45-Kids have to get ready for practice
6:00-8:00-Cheerleading and Football practice
8:00-10:00-eat, get kids showered and ready for bed, get kids INTO bed, pass out wherever I first sit down.

I am happy to report that Lindsey no longer has cheerleading practice on Wednesday nights; we are cutting back to just Mondays.  Don can take Logan to practice and actually watch him, which he enjoys, and Lindsey and I can have some time at home to do whatever it is that we need to do.

I really dreaded Wednesdays.  I am so happy that I don't have to wake up on Wednesday mornings and fear the day anymore.  I know that it's still a little crazy after school, but at least the running around doesn't continue until 10:00 at night.  I am a happy girl today. 

Another reason that I am happy is because I took the pacifiers away from Carson and Dylan yesterday and they actually went to sleep last night with only a little difficulty.  I have been telling the boys for a while that the pacifiers were going bye-bye.  When I said this, Dylan would get a panicked look on his face and say "no, no, no, no" and Carson would shout "NO!  MY Po!"  (They call them Po's.)  Yesterday I was driving to the gym and told them that if they gave their Po's to me, I would take them to the toy store and they could pick out a big-boy toy.  Dylan immediately handed it over and never talked about it again.  Carson entered the gym with the Po and once we were on the way to the store, he handed it over.....I guess he wanted one last hour with it.  They both picked out cars.   I think the trick was that THEY had to give them away and understand that they weren't coming back.  Dylan is a man of his word because he has yet to mention his Po.  Carson asked for a it a couple of times, but didn't throw a huge and unbearable fit.  Last night when we were putting them to bed, Carson said "Po?  Oh, Po gone."  We said "Yes, it's gone.  And it's ok because you got cars and you are officially a big boy!"  He smiled and looked proud.  He threw up his arms and said "Yay!  Me gig it!" 

They slept pretty well.  Dylan woke up a couple of times itching his nose and cried a little, but other than that, it was fine and he went back to sleep.  Since Dylan was a baby, he has sucked on his Po and rubbed his bear's ear on his nose.  I think that he'll probably kick this bear-ear habit with the paci because it always seemed to me that he only rubbed his nose with bear ear when he sucked on his pacifier.  That part makes me sad, because it was cute.  His bear's name is Bo and his paci's name was Po.  He used to walk around looking for them and say "Bo, Po! Bo, Po!"  They are growing up. 

By the way, when I picked the boys up from the gym yesterday, Carson was sleeping under the tree without his pants.  His pants fell off (they were 12-18 months, skinny little thing) and he decided to take a nap under the tree where it is dark.  He wouldn't put his pants back on, so I guess they just allowed him to nap in his Pull-up.  He is so skinny and tall.  He is 2 and a half and yet 12-18 month pants fall off! 

Here is the Word of the Day:

Billow

1.

To rise or roll in or like a great wave; surge.

2.

To swell out, puff up, etc., as by the action of wind.

3.

To make rise, surge, swell.

noun:

1.

A great wave or surge of the sea.

2.

Any surging mass.

Frasier and the Woodpecker

If you have followed my blog consistently for at least a few months, you know a few things about me by now.  First of all, you know that I successfully watched all eleven seasons of “Cheers” in a disturbingly short amount of time.  Second, you know that for three years I have had a fat squirrel hiding nuts in the insulation in my attic.  If you have been reading, you know that I refer to this stupid rodent as “Chris Farley”.  

About a week ago I saw Don run to the backyard with the BB gun.  When he came back in, I asked him if he was trying to shoot Chris Farley.   He said no.  Instead, he was trying to scare off the Woodpecker pounding away at the side of the house.  I told him that I had heard something strange, but I assumed that it was our gluttonous squirrel. 

I just heard the pecking again and ran outside to scare the dumb bird.  I was expecting to see Woody the Woodpecker, and what I scared off instead was a tiny bird that didn’t at all look like a cartoon.  It didn’t even have any red on it!  I was disappointed to see such a scrawny bird and a GIANT HOLE IN SIDE OF THE HOUSE!  I am so angry.  I am telling you right now…….I am going to kill that bird.  I am seriously about to get out my camo pants and put some black paint under my eyes, whatever it is that hunters do, go get Logan’s BB gun and hunt down these stupid critters.  I don’t even go into the attic because every time I begin to climb up the stairs, I picture Chevy Chase running around with a flying squirrel on his back and I am afraid that next time it’ll be me.  These freeloading animals are going down!  I am so mad!

On another note, I had decided months ago to give myself a break between watching “Cheers” and “Frasier” because I was dreaming about Norm and drinking beer.  I figure it’s been long enough, so I started watching “Frasier” today.  I am hooked.  I don’t know why I didn’t watch these shows when they were on-air.  Oh, yes I do— I was like 12.  I just watched an episode where Frasier talks about one of his pet peeves.  He hates when people say that something is to be taken literally when they clearly mean that it should be taken metaphorically— I chuckled to myself.  I HATE when people mix this up.  If you mean metaphorically, don’t say “He was literally bouncing off the walls, he ate so much sugar.”  I also couldn’t care less if it irritates people that it irritates me.  I know it isn’t just me that is annoyed by this mistake.  My brother is equally irritated by this “expression.”  That’s the whole thing…..it isn’t an expression, it has an actual meaning.  It should only be said to stress that something really happened the way that you are verbalizing that it happened.  So unless you really mean that you ate 186,000 donuts in two minutes, don’t say that you literally ate 186,000 donuts in two minutes!  I am not talking to you, my readers.  I am talking to the air.  I am talking to those people out there who say literally 28 times a day incorrectly, literally.  Just kidding.  It irritates my brother and me so much that we say ridiculous things to each other like “I literally ran so fast that I had a heart attack” and “I literally like have 12,000 babies every time I get pregnant.” 

By the way, isn't this funny?  I found it on the Internet.  Rihanna's hair DID look like Woody the Woodpecker, didn't it?  Oh, what people spend their time doing online.....so funny.

Anyway,  have a fantastic day!  Here’s the Word of the Day.  You know I had to do it:

lit·er·al·ly

 

1.

in the literal or strict sense: What does the word mean literally?

2.

in a literal manner; word for word: to translate literally.

3.

actually; without exaggeration or inaccuracy: The city was literally destroyed.

4.

in effect; in substance; very nearly; virtually.

Jenna Marbles

I am not going to say everything that I want to say about this girl because I want all of you to go to You Tube and see her for yourself.  What I will say is that just when I began to lose all hope in younger girls today because of what’s on the stupid TV, I heard about Jenna Marbles…..a cute chick who gets it.  She’s 25.  She is smart, funny, and makes fun of the right people.  She also isn’t afraid of making fun of herself, which is cool.  She’s pretty enough not to seem bitter, and not hot to the point that she comes off as a snob.  She is crude and says the F-word sometimes, so if you have a problem with hearing that, don’t bother looking her up or clicking on the link below.  As far as what she gripes about, I have a lot in common with her and I love that I am not alone in my thoughts and things that irk me! 

She makes fun of Snooki, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, and stupid gold-digging girls who want the same rights as men—loved that one and have been bitching about it for years.  The first one I watched was called “How to trick people into thinking you’re good-looking” and I laughed so hard that I was crying by the end of it.  She also gives a “tutorial” on how to get ready for a date, which includes tips like not appearing to have a brain because you are only a sexual object and packing sandwiches in your fancy bags.  (She makes fun of girls for spending a lot of money on their bags because all a bag should be is a place to throw your crap.)  She does a GREAT Sarah Palin skit; make sure that you check that one out too.  She talks about the annoying people at the gym who sneak peeks at your elliptical……sound familiar?  I blogged about that a while back.  I love Jenna Marbles!  I think that she is going to be huge.

When she says “Now it’s time to put on some fake whore lashes, and don’t forget your hoochie lipstick” I thought of all of those girls on TV that I can’t stand and I couldn't stop laughing.  This girl is awesome. 

Here is a link to "How to trick people into thinking you're good looking".  Do not to watch it around small children.

http://youtu.be/OYpwAtnywTk

Here is a link to "Cooking with Sarah Palin". It is so hilarious! 

http://youtu.be/AWjX1Uj4KV8

No Word of the Day because I accidentally deleted it.  Have a great Monday!

Good Weekends Make for Boring Posts

It is finally cooling off!  I woke up this morning and had to put my little slippers on.  It was awesome.  I am so sick of summer weather.  Dylan is awake, Carson is still sleeping, and my phone died in the middle of the night, which means that I missed church this morning because my alarm clock IS my phone.  I never sleep until 9:30, but this morning I did.  I guess I needed it. 

This weekend has been great.  Friday night I got coffee with a friend, and yesterday was absolutely gorgeous.  We had a game at 3:30.  The girls cheered the best that they have ever cheered this season, and the boys played hard, even though they lost.

Don is watching "X Factor" and there is a guy auditioning right now.  I feel like crying.  He looks like a Hobbit, and he has the worst voice I have ever heard.  He has never had a girlfriend before and he hopes he will get one if he goes far enough in the competition.  I am not being mean; he really DOES look like he could play a Hobbit.  I feel so sad for people that live in such dream worlds.  This guy was really serious.  He sang "Hero" by Mariah Carey.  So sad. He was clinging to the idea that maybe he could get a girl if he did well.  Isn't that awful?  I hate those auditions. 

Today I am cleaning and getting ready for the week.  How one week rolls right into the next, huh?  I am taking a friend to the gym today to teach her how to tone up her arms.  This friend also wants me to read "Twilight", a book that I have snubbed for the past few years.  I will try today, but I don't know.  I am totally not into this vampire thing at all and I have had many reasons for ignoring the books. 

Here's the Word of the Day:

mendacity \men-DAS-i-tee\, noun:

1. A tendency to lie; untruthfulness.
2. An instance of lying; falsehood.

I Heart the 80's

Watch this awesome commercial.  I love the end when they freeze Michael's face and scroll that cheesy message.  Oh, how I love the 80's.  I wish I had a time machine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grP6QeIjVjU&feature=player_embedded

Here's the Word of the Day:

votary \VOH-tuh-ree\, noun:

1. One who is devoted, given, or addicted to some particular pursuit, subject, study, or way of life.
2. A devoted admirer.
3. A devout adherent of a religion or cult.
4. A dedicated believer or advocate.