Frasier and the Woodpecker

If you have followed my blog consistently for at least a few months, you know a few things about me by now.  First of all, you know that I successfully watched all eleven seasons of “Cheers” in a disturbingly short amount of time.  Second, you know that for three years I have had a fat squirrel hiding nuts in the insulation in my attic.  If you have been reading, you know that I refer to this stupid rodent as “Chris Farley”.  

About a week ago I saw Don run to the backyard with the BB gun.  When he came back in, I asked him if he was trying to shoot Chris Farley.   He said no.  Instead, he was trying to scare off the Woodpecker pounding away at the side of the house.  I told him that I had heard something strange, but I assumed that it was our gluttonous squirrel. 

I just heard the pecking again and ran outside to scare the dumb bird.  I was expecting to see Woody the Woodpecker, and what I scared off instead was a tiny bird that didn’t at all look like a cartoon.  It didn’t even have any red on it!  I was disappointed to see such a scrawny bird and a GIANT HOLE IN SIDE OF THE HOUSE!  I am so angry.  I am telling you right now…….I am going to kill that bird.  I am seriously about to get out my camo pants and put some black paint under my eyes, whatever it is that hunters do, go get Logan’s BB gun and hunt down these stupid critters.  I don’t even go into the attic because every time I begin to climb up the stairs, I picture Chevy Chase running around with a flying squirrel on his back and I am afraid that next time it’ll be me.  These freeloading animals are going down!  I am so mad!

On another note, I had decided months ago to give myself a break between watching “Cheers” and “Frasier” because I was dreaming about Norm and drinking beer.  I figure it’s been long enough, so I started watching “Frasier” today.  I am hooked.  I don’t know why I didn’t watch these shows when they were on-air.  Oh, yes I do— I was like 12.  I just watched an episode where Frasier talks about one of his pet peeves.  He hates when people say that something is to be taken literally when they clearly mean that it should be taken metaphorically— I chuckled to myself.  I HATE when people mix this up.  If you mean metaphorically, don’t say “He was literally bouncing off the walls, he ate so much sugar.”  I also couldn’t care less if it irritates people that it irritates me.  I know it isn’t just me that is annoyed by this mistake.  My brother is equally irritated by this “expression.”  That’s the whole thing…..it isn’t an expression, it has an actual meaning.  It should only be said to stress that something really happened the way that you are verbalizing that it happened.  So unless you really mean that you ate 186,000 donuts in two minutes, don’t say that you literally ate 186,000 donuts in two minutes!  I am not talking to you, my readers.  I am talking to the air.  I am talking to those people out there who say literally 28 times a day incorrectly, literally.  Just kidding.  It irritates my brother and me so much that we say ridiculous things to each other like “I literally ran so fast that I had a heart attack” and “I literally like have 12,000 babies every time I get pregnant.” 

By the way, isn't this funny?  I found it on the Internet.  Rihanna's hair DID look like Woody the Woodpecker, didn't it?  Oh, what people spend their time doing online.....so funny.

Anyway,  have a fantastic day!  Here’s the Word of the Day.  You know I had to do it:

lit·er·al·ly

 

1.

in the literal or strict sense: What does the word mean literally?

2.

in a literal manner; word for word: to translate literally.

3.

actually; without exaggeration or inaccuracy: The city was literally destroyed.

4.

in effect; in substance; very nearly; virtually.

Jenna Marbles

I am not going to say everything that I want to say about this girl because I want all of you to go to You Tube and see her for yourself.  What I will say is that just when I began to lose all hope in younger girls today because of what’s on the stupid TV, I heard about Jenna Marbles…..a cute chick who gets it.  She’s 25.  She is smart, funny, and makes fun of the right people.  She also isn’t afraid of making fun of herself, which is cool.  She’s pretty enough not to seem bitter, and not hot to the point that she comes off as a snob.  She is crude and says the F-word sometimes, so if you have a problem with hearing that, don’t bother looking her up or clicking on the link below.  As far as what she gripes about, I have a lot in common with her and I love that I am not alone in my thoughts and things that irk me! 

She makes fun of Snooki, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, and stupid gold-digging girls who want the same rights as men—loved that one and have been bitching about it for years.  The first one I watched was called “How to trick people into thinking you’re good-looking” and I laughed so hard that I was crying by the end of it.  She also gives a “tutorial” on how to get ready for a date, which includes tips like not appearing to have a brain because you are only a sexual object and packing sandwiches in your fancy bags.  (She makes fun of girls for spending a lot of money on their bags because all a bag should be is a place to throw your crap.)  She does a GREAT Sarah Palin skit; make sure that you check that one out too.  She talks about the annoying people at the gym who sneak peeks at your elliptical……sound familiar?  I blogged about that a while back.  I love Jenna Marbles!  I think that she is going to be huge.

When she says “Now it’s time to put on some fake whore lashes, and don’t forget your hoochie lipstick” I thought of all of those girls on TV that I can’t stand and I couldn't stop laughing.  This girl is awesome. 

Here is a link to "How to trick people into thinking you're good looking".  Do not to watch it around small children.

http://youtu.be/OYpwAtnywTk

Here is a link to "Cooking with Sarah Palin". It is so hilarious! 

http://youtu.be/AWjX1Uj4KV8

No Word of the Day because I accidentally deleted it.  Have a great Monday!

Good Weekends Make for Boring Posts

It is finally cooling off!  I woke up this morning and had to put my little slippers on.  It was awesome.  I am so sick of summer weather.  Dylan is awake, Carson is still sleeping, and my phone died in the middle of the night, which means that I missed church this morning because my alarm clock IS my phone.  I never sleep until 9:30, but this morning I did.  I guess I needed it. 

This weekend has been great.  Friday night I got coffee with a friend, and yesterday was absolutely gorgeous.  We had a game at 3:30.  The girls cheered the best that they have ever cheered this season, and the boys played hard, even though they lost.

Don is watching "X Factor" and there is a guy auditioning right now.  I feel like crying.  He looks like a Hobbit, and he has the worst voice I have ever heard.  He has never had a girlfriend before and he hopes he will get one if he goes far enough in the competition.  I am not being mean; he really DOES look like he could play a Hobbit.  I feel so sad for people that live in such dream worlds.  This guy was really serious.  He sang "Hero" by Mariah Carey.  So sad. He was clinging to the idea that maybe he could get a girl if he did well.  Isn't that awful?  I hate those auditions. 

Today I am cleaning and getting ready for the week.  How one week rolls right into the next, huh?  I am taking a friend to the gym today to teach her how to tone up her arms.  This friend also wants me to read "Twilight", a book that I have snubbed for the past few years.  I will try today, but I don't know.  I am totally not into this vampire thing at all and I have had many reasons for ignoring the books. 

Here's the Word of the Day:

mendacity \men-DAS-i-tee\, noun:

1. A tendency to lie; untruthfulness.
2. An instance of lying; falsehood.

I Heart the 80's

Watch this awesome commercial.  I love the end when they freeze Michael's face and scroll that cheesy message.  Oh, how I love the 80's.  I wish I had a time machine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grP6QeIjVjU&feature=player_embedded

Here's the Word of the Day:

votary \VOH-tuh-ree\, noun:

1. One who is devoted, given, or addicted to some particular pursuit, subject, study, or way of life.
2. A devoted admirer.
3. A devout adherent of a religion or cult.
4. A dedicated believer or advocate.

The Mutant Clooney Genes

I just stole this picture from my mom's Facebook page.  I don't know why I have never printed this picture off.  Even though I look very tired (and I was, trust me) I love this picture because the moment that I saw it, it finally hit me that I had two sets of twins.  It was taken on my 29th birthday, which means that it took five months after the boys were born to really sink in.   

Sometimes I am driving around with the kids in the car, or disciplining them, or doing something that I used to watch my parents do....like make coffee, and I stop and think "How did this happen?"  How do I need coffee to get going?  How do I have five children? How in the world is it almost the year 2012?  That means that not only are the 80's and 90's long-gone, but the first decade of the 2000's is gone too!  Will time continue to whip by like this for the rest of my life? Am I going to be 50 and sound like a 50-year-old saying "Back in my day....."?  Lindsey asked me a couple of weeks ago if the Spice Girls were still alive.  I mean, come on, man!  Really?  Oh, and last night I played "End of the Road" for Lindsey and she asked me if Boyz II Men were still alive.  My friends and I have decided that we really are old because we think that all of the new music sounds the same.  Not only does it sound the same, but it all sounds like noise, not music. 

Anyway, I will love this picture forever because in it, I have my babies nestled around me.  One day it'll be hard to get them to all stay in the same place and they won't fit on my lap anymore, but I will always have this picture.  I was so happy in this picture and I am still so happy.  I love them so much and I really do try to enjoy every day because I am completely aware of the fact that time is whipping by and I will be 60 sooner than I even imagine. 

I have this obsession with Googling celebrities to see how old they are.  Even if I am watching an old movie, I Google whoever it is to see how old they were when it was filmed.  This strange habit began when I was 29 and freaked out about turning 30.  The other night, I Googled George Clooney while I was watching "One Fine Day". I noticed that I found him more gorgeous than I used to.  In high school I thought he was good-looking and could see why older women liked him, but I wasn't particularly interested.  Well, the reason is because he was 35 in that movie.  When that movie came out, I was in high school and my dad was like 35.  It's the same thing as when I see high school boys now.  I think "How in the world did I ever like someone your age?  You're a child!"  I know that this all sounds so stupid and airheaded, but these are the things that I think about sometimes. 

Just to freak you out a bit, George Clooney is now 50.  He's still gorgeous.  He knows it too.  He only dates younger, beautiful women.  He says that he will never marry again.  He must have had a horrible experience!  Look at him below......does anyone look this good in a plaid shirt?  I mean, that's ridiculous, dude! 

Why do men get to age so well? And they don't even do all of the things that we do to take care of ourselves! I doubt that half of them even wash their faces. How is it that they don't worry about free radicals, don't bother eating foods rich in antioxidants, and don't even use eye cream....yet they look great as they age? And don't say that it's because we do that stuff, because I can point out the women who have NOT done anything and there is a difference. Is it just good genes? Are the Clooney genes just THAT GOOD?  George Clooney is immune to time and aging.  Thank God for that.  He'll still be hot when he's 70......like Robert Redford and Sean Connery. 

Here's the Word of the Day:

trav·es·ty

 1.

a literary or artistic burlesque of a serious work or subject, characterized by grotesque or ludicrous incongruity of style, treatment, or subject matter.

2.

a literary or artistic composition so inferior in quality as to be merely a grotesque imitation of its model.

3.

any grotesque or debased likeness or imitation: a travesty of justice.

Single-Celled Organisms

Logan and Lindsey have a science test on single-celled organisms this morning.  I thought about driving them through McDonalds to show them in person what one actually looks like, but…….ok, so that was mean, but do they ever get an order right?  I hate McDonald’s.  Carson and Dylan constantly say “MaacDonald’s, Mama?  MaaaacDonald’s?”  I know they are not babies anymore because they ask for fast food.  Why do they have to ask for the one place I rarely go and despise?  It’s so gross! I took them once and they refuse to forget about it!  I have taken them to Chick-fil-a several times, but they ask for McDonald’s instead!  That place is so disgusting. 

Anyway, Logan and Lindsey were studying for their test until 10:00 last night because they had practice until 8:00.  Lindsey had dance before cheerleading, so she had even more work to do than Logan.  She was doing her homework while she ate dinner, poor thing.  Around 9:00 I made them quiz each other and Lindsey came down in tears because Logan started asking her social studies questions for NEXT Thursday’s test.  She said that he was calling her dumb, so I said that she should just study alone or with me.  I asked why he was quizzing her for a test that was a week away and she said that he was just trying to “fill her mind with doubt”.   I was too tired to yell at him, so Don went up and told him to be nice.  I quizzed the kids and I think that they are ready. 

I took the kids to the playground after yoga yesterday and took some pictures of the boys.  (Posted below.)  By the way, yoga was awesome yesterday.  The teacher came over and put me in all of these crazy positions because she said that she was watching me and could tell that I could take more.  All I know is that my legs were behind my head at one point and I didn’t feel a pull.  Her class is awesome.  She is a true Yogi and it’s obvious that she breathes deeply and practices yoga all day long….something that I am not very good at.  In class, I can slow down and breathe.  In life, um, no.  When I get angry, I do not remember to breathe deeply and mentally take myself to some peaceful place.  Hopefully I will be able to do that one day.

Here are the pictures:

Here is the Word of the Day:

woolgathering \WOOL-gath-(uh)-ring\, noun:

Indulgence in idle daydreaming.

Farm Toys

I am going to yoga this morning.  My quads are so sore that I can barely walk down a flight of stairs.  I seriously look like Frankenstein and mumble “Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow” as my feet hit the steps.  That class on Monday kicked my butt.  THEN I went to Pilates yesterday. 

The boys are getting really good at pretending and imagining with their toys.  Carson, Dylan, and Finley played with their farm and school toys yesterday afternoon.  The toys come in farm and school houses, you know, the old Fisher Price ones.  Here’s a picture to refresh your memory:

Anyway, they were saying “BYE, Mama!  We’re going on a trip!  Bye!”  They were pretending like they were suitcases.  Then they built the fences and trapped the animals for hours.  Well, they didn't trap the animals for hours, but they played that game for hours. 

Then Carson yelled for me and said “Mama, look!  Car is eating!”  I had to take a picture of what he set up on my bed.  (Dylan is napping next to him.  He was tired, but Carson and Finley kept playing!)

Carson and Dylan played with these toys all day; I am serious. Last night before they went to bed they were still building fences. They have played with them before, but not like this.

Have a great day!  Here’s the Word of the Day:

portend \por-TEND\, verb:

To indicate (events, misfortunes, etc.) as in future; to foreshadow; to bode.