Colors of the Rainbow

I believed that the Confederate flag was improper on the lawn of the Capital.  I also supported the Supreme Court’s decision on Friday to legalize gay marriage.  That being said, I believe that the White House made a mistake hosing down the White House in rainbow lights. 

There are two reasons why I believed what I believed in all 3 situations and they have nothing to do with my religious beliefs and they are important for us all to remember:

1.     Separation of Church and State

2.     Freedom of Speech

OHHHH, that flag......

The Confederate flag is offensive to many, many people.  I don’t understand why someone would want that flag in their yard, but I also think it’s a slippery slope to go around banning things too.  Now, companies were the ones banning the flag on their products this past week and not the government, so it’s fine….but it’s also stupid when you don’t do it with common sense.  Gone With the Wind is ABOUT the Civil War.  Come on.  Be smart.  There is a difference between that movie and future belt buckles made in 2015.  You lose credibility when you're stupid.  Anyway, the reason that we can go back and forth about the meaning of the flag is the same reason I am allowed to write about this and it’s because the 1^st Amendment gives us that right. I don’t have to like that flag, but the reason I have to be willing to allow someone to fly that flag on their personal property is the same reason that I have to allow someone to burn an American flag, and the reason I have to as a citizen allow both of those things to happen is so that I can have an opinion opposing them.  The government operates under ONE flag, and that is the AMERICAN flag, and that’s why South Carolina had no business flying the Confederate flag over their Capital.  Also, states have rights.  The South got what they wanted in a way.  Get over it.   In my opinion, the state has no right to offend its people with an offensive flag because they are supposed to be neutral and FOR the people.  Fly the one that is supposed to unite us, not one that clearly divides us.  

Civil rights aren't up for debate....

Now the reason I supported the Supreme Court decision on Friday is also very simple.  It has nothing to do with my religious beliefs or as some would say "lack thereof," but because when passing laws, you are supposed to keep in mind that “GOD” might not mean MY God.  The debate that Christians use is “God intended marriage to be between a woman and a man.”  Fine.  But the STATE, the GOVERNMENT is passing out marriage certificates and offering certain benefits to married people.  Now unless the government isn’t going to be in the marriage business at all, then MARRIAGE is not defined.  Why?  Because “In God We Trust” means any god that we want to believe in.  My God and your God might not look the same, in which case, it is not the government’s job to define marriage.  This was a civil rights issue, period.  In my mind, it logically doesn’t make any sense at all to create a country that says its people have the freedom to exercise the religion of their choice and then tell those same people that your God doesn’t support his or her rights.  How can you possibly be the authority on that?  Why haven't Christians gone after atheists too?  If you as a Christian believe that your God created marriage because that's what your bible says, then why should you allow an atheist to get married?  For that matter, what about divorce?  What about couples who cannot conceive, if the reason for marriage is to procreate?  You simply cannot have it both ways.  You cannot live in a country that supports all religions and yet oppresses others.  Now, if the state DID get out of the marriage business altogether and marriage was a church thing, then what are Christians going to say when someone opens churches that support gay marriage?  They can have an opinion, but they aren’t allowed to do anything about it.  Either way, you lose that argument in this country.  We all have to live together and we don’t all have the same beliefs.  Bottom line, get over it.  Mind your business.  Move along.  Exercise that opinion without oppressing others. You are free to believe what you believe.  

Colors of the Rainbow.....

I think it’s very clear where I am going with the White House rainbow lights, right?  Sure, the Confederate Flag might mean something evil to most and the rainbow lights were a symbol for love, but I think the reason the court was successful in getting the law passed was keeping it simply about civil liberties and being fair.  I think it was in poor taste, and frankly stupid, for the White House to not just shut up.  We are trying to unite, and it isn't going to happen over night.  Pass the right laws and shut up.  

We all need to be sensitive, people.  We need not gloat when something goes our way, we need not behave in a hateful way when we are upset, and we need to tell the government to do their damn job and represent the law the best way they can and keep our hodgepodge of religious beliefs out of what should be an issue of fairness and equality for all citizens of all backgrounds.

We have to start waking up about the country we live in.  Phrases like “Take back our country,” for example, are not helpful.  Take it back from whom?  Calling people “Unamerican” is not helpful either.  We have to start realizing what country we live in and STICK to that and I never say this, but if YOU DON’T believe in EQUAL OPPORTUNITY or EQUAL RIGHTS or FREEDOM OF SPEECH OR EXPRESSION or FREEDOM OF RELIGION, and SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE, then YES!  Leave!  Because that is what our country believes!!!  You don’t like people coming to our country from other countries?  LEAVE then!  That is totally within your freedom!  The rest of us will carry on and govern ourselves.  The only way that we can properly govern ourselves by the concepts that our forefathers put in place is by having intelligent, sensitive conversations backed factually by the laws that protect us from someone trumping us.  But you have to respect everyone to get respect.  You can’t have it your way all the time.  We have to mind our own business, we have to move it along, and we have to stop being so nasty to each other. 

I am tired of the following words being dirty words: Liberal.  Feminist.  Conservative.  Intellectual.  Liberal means open.  Feminist is someone who believes women are equal to men.  Intellectual is someone who values education and exploration.  Conservative is someone who finds value in tradition.  These are not bad things, but people are ruining the concepts by being assholes. 

If America doesn't grow up, we are not going to exist forever.  If we can't have conversations with each other, how can we elect properly?  They are playing us like a slide guitar. I just wish people would wake up and realize that.

One Facebook Post, Eternal Stupidity

Scott Walker is an incredible example of someone entirely stupid.  I cannot believe this man wants to run for president....oh wait.  Yes I can. 

This is his Facebook post from yesterday and my comments.  

"I believe this Supreme Court decision is a grave mistake. Five unelected (They are never elected by the people and always appointed, Scooter, nothing new here) judges have taken it upon themselves to redefine the institution of marriage an institution that the author of this decision acknowledges ‘has been with us for millennia.’ In 2006 I, like millions of Americans, voted to amend our state constitution to protect the institution of marriage from exactly this type of judicial activism. (Go back to school.  Church and state are separate.  Your definition of the institution of marriage is based on your religion, and our country was founded on the idea that you should be allowed to practice whatever religion you want.  As long as the government is handing out marriage certificates, the institution is not based on religion at all, which means it is not affecting YOUR definition of marriage. Logically, Scooter, people in the Christian church would have to exclude anyone who isn’t a Christian from the institution, like atheists for example, and atheists have always been able to go down to the courthouse without YOU being irate about it.  A more logical approach would be for you to request that the government should get out of the marriage business altogether.  Then people who are gay could start their own church and marry based on their beliefs.  But something tells me you wouldn't like that either.)  The states are the proper place for these decisions to be made and as we have seen repeatedly over the last few days, we will need a conservative president (don’t embarrass conservatives by calling yourself a conservative because not all conservatives are assholes) who will appoint men and women to the Court who will faithfully interpret the Constitution and laws of our land without injecting their own political agendas. (Except your agenda) As a result of this decision, the only alternative left for the American people is to support an amendment to the U.S. Constitution to reaffirm the ability of the states to continue to define marriage.

Recognizing that our Founders made our Constitution difficult to amend, I am reminded that it was first amended to protect our ‘First Freedom’ - the free exercise of religion. (Pretty sure you just contradicted yourself here.  Does this mean freedom to exercise the religion YOU SEE FIT?) The First Amendment does not simply protect a narrow ‘right to worship,’ (Narrow right to worship?  Where did you even get that?)  but provides broad protection to individuals and institutions to worship and act in accordance with their religious beliefs. (As long as it’s YOUR religion.)  In fact, the Wisconsin constitution explicitly protects the rights of conscience of our citizens.  

(The first article of the Wisconsin Constitution is as follows: Equality; inherent rights. SECTION 1. [As amended Nov. 1982 and April 1986] All people are born equally free and independent, and have certain inherent rights; among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness; to secure these rights, governments are instituted, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. [1979 J.R. 36, 1981 J.R. 29, vote Nov. 1982; 1983 J.R. 40, 1985 J.R. 21, vote April 1986])

 I can assure all Wisconsinites concerned about the impact of today’s decision that your conscience rights will be protected, (Except those who have a conscience about giving citizens equal rights) and the government will not coerce you to act against your religious beliefs. (Unless your religion is to treat everyone equally.)

I call on the president and all governors to join me in reassuring millions of Americans that the government will not force them to participate in activities that violate their deeply held religious beliefs. (No one is suggesting that you be forced to marry someone of the same gender, attend gay weddings, or even agree) No one wants to live in a country where the government coerces people to act in opposition to their conscience. (You’re right.  I don’t want to live in a country where the government coerces me to act against my conscience, and my conscience says to treat everyone equally, so too bad for you.) We will continue to fight for the freedoms of all Americans. (Oh, except for gay people.)

Never Marry a Bad Travel Companion

I was flying from Atlanta to Milwaukee last week and I found a seat at the gate across from a couple, they were probably around 60 years old, who were just about to enjoy some delicious sandwiches from Jersey Mike’s.  Delicious they were not, I suppose, because as soon as the wife bit into her sandwich, she started scrunching up her face and sticking out her tongue, whining loudly “Pickles!  Pickles!  ACKKKKHHH yuck!  Pickles, the entire sandwich tastes like pickles! PICKLES!!!! PICKLES!!!  They put pickles on my sandwich!!!”  Understand that I don’t make a habit of eavesdropping on conversations, but it was a serious production that I simply could not ignore.  As she waved her hands around and stuck her tongue out for all of Hartsfield-Jackson to see, it became clear that she was attempting to get a reaction, any reaction, out of her husband, who had clearly just committed a cardinal sin.  I thought to myself….

“OKAYYYY, First world problems, lady.  Shut up and eat the stupid sandwich.  No one here but you cares.”  She didn’t find a spider on her sandwich, you know?  It’s a pickle.  There are starving children all over the world who would have been happy to eat the pickle.  She could have simply removed it without the dramatics.  If you don’t want to eat it, princess, you don’t have to.  No one is forcing you.  It’s not Fear Factor for the Ridiculous. 

Then I noticed that while she was having her meltdown, her husband was eating, very robotically.  He has his hands clamped around his sandwich, looking forward at nothing; he was mindlessly chewing.  He looked like MacGyver trying not to make any sudden movements because the sandwich may blow up in his face.  Then I hear her say “I told you!  I told you!  We should have gotten a STANDARD AMERICAN CHEESEBURGER!”  He still didn’t react, meanwhile, I have another thought….

“What the hell is a Standard American Cheeseburger?  You’re not deciding between a stick shift and an automatic, lady, it’s a freaking sandwich!” 

The lady went on for a good five minutes and her husband never once reacted, which was amazing to me because my limit for annoying, spoiled women is 4 minutes, tops.  She finally got up, held her hand out, demanded money and announced that she would be going to buy something else.  Then she dramatically threw her disgusting excuse for a sub sandwich into the trashcan and stormed off. 

I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I couldn’t help it.  I looked at the man and said “She really despises pickles.”

He shrugged his shoulders and said “Wish I had known.” 

Poor soul.  I never want to be with anyone who loses his shit over pickles or anything else just as non-earth shattering.  What a miserable existence. 

Now I am making a lot of assumptions here, but it seemed as if they had been together for a million years.  Why?  Because she flipped out about pickles and he ignored her.  Had they only been married for a few years, he probably would have said “Oh, baby, let me get you a new pickle-free sandwich” to appease her or he would’ve told her to chill out.  If they had only been married for a few years, maybe she would have treated him with respect in public and not like a doormat?  I asked myself—Is this what marriage looks like after 40 years? Do you actually fight over pickles and Standard American Cheeseburgers? Or is it what marriage looks like when you marry someone who sucks?  And did she always suck or did she turn into someone who now sucks because of life or because HE sucks?  And is it possible that after 40 years of being married to one person that your spouse wouldn’t know that you don’t like pickles?  Is it possible that he knew she didn’t like pickles and intentionally pissed her off? Is this what you have to look forward to when you promise to love someone until death?  Passive-aggressive sandwich sabotage and other petty arguments?

Maybe.  Maybe not.  I don’t know.  But I know that it’s probably not a good idea to walk into a relationship with someone who makes a big deal out of everything.  It will always be your fault and nothing you do will ever make someone like that happy. Plus, they are embarrassing. 

In my opinion, you should always travel with someone on a long trip before you ever decide to get married.  Airports are stressful places, even for people who are generally chill and a million things really can go wrong.  After walking with 100 pounds of luggage on your shoulders, being groped and pushed around in security, and having your water bottle and toiletries taken away, then you have to sit in a tiny ass seat between two stinky people who steal your arm room and drool on your shoulders….if there is anywhere to give someone a test spin, that’s the place.  You can tell a lot about someone’s resilience by the way they wait for their suitcase in baggage claim. 

My thanks go out to the pickle lady who reminded me of what I DON’T want for my life.  I just wish I could ask her what’s on a Standard American Cheeseburger. 

Identity

My name is Brittany, aka Britter Critter, Britty, Britt, and Beatle.  I am the mother of two sets of twins, I have moved around a lot, I am a paralegal, I love to read and write, I value education and have faith in people, I hate politicians and become upset about social injustices, I like to work out, I love coffee, I love my family and friends, I try to be a good person, and I have been in love.  I am sometimes agreeable and sometimes stubborn, I love yoga and believe in God.  I love Alice in Wonderland, mafia movies, and Nora Ephron.  I used to be married, now I am divorced. I am a good girl, but I question authority and analyze at all times.  I don’t fear heights but I have trypophobia and fear losing my fingers to the garbage disposal.  I hate more than anything: people who shamelessly judge others, lack empathy, and don’t attempt to have perspective on the world.  I am always soul searching. 

What makes us who we are?  To ask yourself Who am I is both simple and complex for most of us.   Examples:

Simple:

I was born a girl. 

My parents named me Brittany Elizabeth Waggoner.  I weighed 9 pounds, 2 ounces, in Indiana to a schoolteacher and an accountant.  I liked to read and wore pigtails and ruffles.   I am white, American; blue eyed, and was raised Christian.  I became a sister at two.  I played violin, attended Catholic school, and I wore plaid skirts. 

Complex:

How did I become a writer? 

Brittany was a quiet child who read a lot and didn’t like to talk when something was bothering her.  She covered her ears, went to the corner and screamed “LALALALALA” when her mother wanted to talk about her feelings. Brittany’s mother gave her a journal to write about her feelings.  Brittany grew up one day and became a writer.  Brittany still feels backed into a corner when someone probes her to talk.  Brittany is working on this.   

Simple:

Brittany likes the opposite sex. 

Brittany’s first crush was a boy named Adam with big brown eyes and tan skin in 4^th grade.  She wanted to hug and squeeze him when she saw him. 

Complex:

Brittany is single. 

Brittany has learned all kinds of things about men, women, and relationships.  When she considers hugging and squeezing a cute boy, she promptly considers whether that is a good idea or not. 

I wonder how it would feel not to know who I am.  Can you imagine waking up and not knowing who the hell you are when you look in the mirror?

There is a lot of bashing going on right now in reference to Bruce Jenner and NAACP President, Rachel Dolezal, and while I will be the first to admit that I don’t understand how you don’t identify with your sex organs or color of your skin because I don't have that issue, I also don’t understand a lot of other people and situations and just as I would try to refrain from being a totally close-minded asshat in other situations, I have decided to do the same regarding the two of them.  Just because something is “bizarre” or “weird” or “freakish” doesn’t mean that we should be cruel, in fact, aren’t those the people we need to show the most empathy? Weren’t we called as human beings to do just that?  To me, this isn’t any different than making fun of a schizophrenic. 

EINAR WEGENER/LILI ELBE

First of all, I am really sick of hearing about Bruce Jenner.  I don't care whether he has a penis or vagina because I am not having sex with him.  Why would that have an effect on my life?  Also, I read a novel called The Danish Girl in college.  It's about Einar Wegener, a Danish artist who went through sex reassignment surgery, and became Lili Elbe.  He was born in 1882 and died in 1931.  So unless you can blame the Kardashians, the "sick liberal media", or our country's lack of morality in some way for that one, you may want to consider that this might be some kind of physical disorder and that science and sexuality may be more complex than your thought process.  

As far as Rachel Dolezal goes, I don't have any idea what that's about.  I will admit, when I heard about that, I said "WTF?"  But after saying "How the hell do you do that," I thought about how lost she is.  Whether she is a simply a liar, wants attention, or she really doesn't identify with her race, I am not sure any of it matters.  That is a huge cry for attention if that's what she was seeking and there is no doubt that she is extremely lost.  No matter what the reason, she needs help.  I won't make fun of her.  

In both of these situations, identity is in question and it has made me consider the idea of identity and the crucial role it plays in society.  

Have you ever considered how important your identity is or wondered how it developed? Have you taken a moment after reading about Jenner and Dolezal to appreciate the fact that you have an identity?  I have.  I think our identity is something we take for granted, which is silly because a lot goes into developing it, all the way from genetics to environment. If identity weren’t important, countries wouldn’t name themselves, they wouldn’t wave flags, we wouldn’t join clubs, we wouldn’t go to school, choose professions, name our children, we wouldn’t see counselors—in fact, what WOULD we do?  We live in a time where we are constantly branding ourselves online.  We must have the need to identify with others, otherwise, social media would have been a complete flop.  What is social media?  Aren’t people showcasing what and who they identify with on a daily basis on Instagram and Facebook?  Why do we do this?  And I have to ask myself, how must it feel, especially nowadays, to have no sense of self?  Is it worse or better?  Is it harder to find yourself or easier?

If you ever watched the movie The Net or have had someone try to steal your identity, you can’t help but respect your social security number, name, and credit history.  But on a deeper level than just digits and letters, your identity is the way you find community, support, and a sense of shelter.  Identity allows you to find a place within society and feel a sense of purpose, no matter what that purpose might be.  On the most microscopic level, your identity is all of the things that you think and do not understand, all of the quirks and things that make you who you are—if this wasn’t a key element to your overall identity, people wouldn’t go to shrinks to make sense of them.

Jenner and Dolzal are drastic versions of identity in question, but people suffer daily from not knowing who they are, what they want, and why they do what they do.  Human beings are highly complex and the fact that we want to simplify ourselves into categories that we can understand is probably our first mistake.  Our second mistake is that we don't try to understand and see each other.  With every turn taken, place lived, event persevered, thought had, book read, conversation heard, grade passed, I was developed and am still developing into the Brittany I am today and will be at 95 and no one else is any different.  If you take a minute to self reflect, my guess is that you will be find the same thing about yourself.  If you take a minute to appreciate yourself, I think you can begin to empathize with someone who cannot do the same.  If you take a minute, I’ll bet the world would be a little better if your tongue weren’t so sharp.  Who we are IS important.  Shouldn’t we be better versions?

My Thoughts on Bastards

I asked my 6-year-old to make his bed this morning and I paid him with 10 kisses.  He took 30. Two days ago I was telling Carson and Dylan how handsome they are and that all of the girls are going to want to be their girlfriends one day. Dylan giggled and asked why.  I said “Because you and Carson are blonde and beautiful and have pretty smiles.”  I also told them that girls will like them because they love their mommy and that they are going to open the door for them. I said they are going to listen, never talk down to them, they aren’t going to hit them, and they are going to pay for the movies and never lie to them.  They giggled, but when I asked them if they could do that for me, they said yes.  Of course, I know that that is just the beginning of what my boys need to learn to do because opening the door for a girl means nothing without true respect, love, and admiration for women as a whole.  I want to raise men, not boys.  Real men.  And I want my daughter to know how she deserves to be treated and that she is to respect a real man just as much as she respects herself.    

Just a quick note...this post is not in any way meant to offend men as a whole or to claim that I have not been part of the problem by accepting it, because I have, but it is more so to tell men out there that you are becoming more important to me over the years and that I applaud you.  I am trying to model my boys after you.

I listened to one of my younger friends talk about her “boyfriend” who I am not sure is a boyfriend a few nights ago.  She said he made out with many, many girls in front of her the other night and had the nerve to text her a nice, long apology the next day.  I am angry. This morning I got a series of screenshots from a friend who is feeling like trash right now because all of the men she meets seem to be unavailable in some way, or they send her dick pics, or they immediately jump into discussions about which sexual positions she likes the most rather than ask her on a date.  She has gotten cheated on and lied to in the past, a lot.  I am angry.    One of my friends has recently decided to leave her husband because he has been violent.  I am angry. One of my friends got drunk a few months ago and was taken advantage of.  I was pissed as hell.  The span of The Unlikable Man is very wide to me at this point in my life and the truth is, no matter what the level bastard, we as women shouldn’t be putting up with any of it because we deserve better. I have three boys and I would lock them in their room and strip their life of all things fun if they treated a woman like a commodity.  Why on earth would I allow someone to treat me or my friends like one?

Due to some recent events in my life, I have been thinking about the men in my life; really amazing men.  I have been especially thankful for them lately because I think I have underestimated how many horrible examples I have been given and how many men have walked across my soul and left their muddy footprints like the bastards they are.  How have I underestimated their impact on my life?  It’s simple.  I have assumed I was stronger than the actions of a bastard.  How? I have made excuses.  Being called a cunt has no bearing on me because it is, after all, just a word, right?  I know I am not a cunt.  My boyfriend who swung a baseball bat at my head was an idiot.  Who cares what an idiot says or does anyway, right? Some guys can’t keep it in their pants, right?  So he’s a man.  Men often fear commitment, ok.  Got it.  And I “move on” intellectually, knowing that I am not the problem and I am lucky to be out of that situation and free, but what happens emotionally?  Once upon a time, I was a little girl.  And then I grew.  And parts of me are still a little girl.  And there is no possible way that these things have not impacted me, no matter how tough I am because there is still an innocent part of me that needs to know she is safe.  Needing to feel safe, loved, and special is what makes us girls forever, no matter how strong we are.

Someone told me years ago to protect my heart.  I never gave my heart much thought.  I am a giver by nature, I am forgiving, I love when I want to love, and I have never viewed my heart as something that can’t be repaired.  But the older I get, the more I understand what that woman was saying.  What I heard was “It hurts when your heart breaks” and I thought “So what, I will recover. Love on.”  But I never considered the damage you can do to yourself in the long run by not guarding your body and your heart from the ones who continue to disregard you.  I have believed I am stronger than anything that has been done to me and stronger than the weaknesses of these men, but what if I am wrong?  What if by taking a risk like that, with every hurt, you build up a wall, and another wall, and another wall, and eventually, you can’t even trust the ones who really do just want to love you?  What if you paralyze yourself?

What makes a bastard a bastard?  A bastard is selfish and everything he does is based on what makes him the most comfortable at any given time.  When he has an inkling of conscience or feeling, he runs because he is a coward.  He is full of excuses that he knows you need to believe.  Instead of making a decision, he avoids.  He prances around disregarding, even cursing those who love them, cursing them for making him feel anything but blissful ignorance.  He takes what he wants.  He says what he wants.  He does as he wants.  Bastards die a shell of a human who was never brave enough to self reflect. 

Now does that sound like it has anything to do with you?  We have no control over them.  We can't fix them. In fact, it doesn't matter that we can't even understand it.  The only thing we can do is to demand more, from the very beginning.  

When I picture what I want my boys to look like one day, I see men who feel an emotion and attempt to put a word to it, and then an action.  I want them to be brave enough to be honest, gentle enough to hold his wife and strong enough to tell her that she is safe.  I want their wives to ask for ten kisses and he gives her 30.